Train Wrecks

It's a trend these days for celebrities to take nude photos of themselves while pregnant, and since Rachel Uchitel thinks she's a celebrity, she's decided to follow suit.

Following two very public affairs with two married men (Tiger Woods and actor David Boreanaz), Rachel is now married herself and expecting a baby girl sometime this month. Naturally, her husband is praying the kid comes out bearing some slight resemblance to him.

This artsy black-and-white image is probably Rachel's way of saying she's moved on from homewrecking days and is ready to be a mom...or maybe she just needed some cash, because we're pretty sure she's unemployed. Either way, she looks good!

(Photo: Nancy Alcott Photography)

Courtney Love seems hellbent on doing everything in her power to ensure that her daughter never speaks to her again. As though it's not enough that she's, well...been Courtney Love for the poor girl's entire life, she's now involving Frances Bean Cobain in her bizarre public lies.

Love recently tweeted: "I hear from frannies roommate that @davegrohl hit on frances, and that she was curious, I'm not mad at her, him I am about to shoot, dead." Because, ya know, Twitter is the ideal forum for accusing your estranged daughter of wanting to sleep with her dead friend's dad.

Fortunately, Grohl (who's openly feuded with Love for years) wasn't willing to take Courtney's BS lying down. He issued a statement reading, "Unfortunately Courtney is on another hateful Twitter rant," he said via his publicist. "These new accusations are upsetting, offensive and absolutely untrue."

Can Courtney Love just friggin' go away, already? Why is this woman still even remotely relevant? How come all the talented drug addicts drop dead before they're 30, while this trash bag somehow holds on?

(Photos: WENN)

In a move that may not surprise many, Jersey Shore's resident villain, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino has checked himself into rehab, reportedly for substance abuse.

Naturally, Mike's reps are claiming that the Sitch is merely in need of "rest and recuperation," though a drug problem would explain some of Mike's bizarre behavior over the past five seasons as well as give credence to long-standing blind item rumors claiming that "someone" on the Jersey Shore cast has a serious taste for the nose candy. TMZ reports that Mike's life has been a "non-stop party" since rising to fame on Shore. Season five of the popular series saw Mike's best friend "The Unit" getting arrested for cocaine possession while The Sitch himself looked on in sweaty, dazed confusion.

Of course, some are speculating that this could be a desperate bid for attention from Mike who may be in fear of his 15 minutes running out. He's the most high-profile Shore cast member to not get a spin-off show and he's been further pushed to the margins by the pregnancy of his pint-sized rival Snooki. Rehab may just be Mike's way of taking his notorious temper tantrums to a new level.

(Photo: WENN)

Amber Portwood may be facing some serious legal trouble...serious even by the standards of Teen Mom stars.

Amber is required to submit to routine drug tests during her probation period, which shouldn't be difficult considering she's still on home confinement. But on Monday, it seems the trainwreck mom couldn't pee for her daily test and her supposed bladder difficulties could land her in jail for five years.

Amber is due in court later today, at which time she'll have to answer for the missed test or face serving out the five years she's already been sentenced to. In the court's eyes, not providing a sample is the same as failing a test, so Amber has some serious explaining to do.

This is getting ridiculous. Teen Mom star and all-around trainwreck Jenelle Evans was arrested again (for the third time this year) for allegedly "cyber-stalking" her former boss, James Duffy.

Amazingly, Jenelle may actually be in the right on this one, as the charges were filed just weeks after she accused Duffy of the same crime. According to police reports, Jenelle accused Duffy of online harassment after he posted party pictures of her along with her cell phone number on various social networking sites. "These are the first allegations by Duffy against her, and these charges are completely retaliatory in nature," Jenelle's attorney told Us Weekly.

Usually cyber-stalking charges result in a restraining order. Criminal charges are rare, but Jenelle could be facing some serious legal issues, as she's still on probation from a 2011 assault charge and this is, after all, her third freakin' arrest in the past three months. At this point they probably just keep a cot reserved for her at the county jail.

It's not every day that we get to find out the actual figures on how much celebrities earn in a year. Usually these numbers come from leaked legal documents like Zooey Deschanel's divorce papers, and they usually remind us just how astoundingly wealthy even B and C-list entertainers are. Leave it to world-class f-up Lindsay Lohan to buck the trend...

TMZ reports that Lindsay owes the IRS at least two years worth of back taxes and may not have paid any federal income tax since 2009. Needless to say, Linds is in serious debt to the government. What may be more shocking, however, is the fact that according to the IRS figures, Lindsay has only earned about $400,000 a year for several years in a row.

That may sound like a lot of money, but bear in mind the lifestyle that Lindsay leads and the amount of cash that she's raked in in the past. This is a girl who jets around the world partying with the Hollywood and fashion elite. She lives like a millionaire, despite the fact that her bank account hasn't showed seven figures since her Mean Girls days.

That said, 2011 was Lindsay's best year in a long time, even though she didn't land a single acting job. The tabloid queen parlayed the last of her fame into a $500,000 modeling gig for Phillip Plein, and reportedly earned close to a million dollars by stripping down for Playboy. That should help her begin to pay off her tax debt...which is rumored to be in the neighborhood of a quarter mil.

(Photo: WENN)

Yup. Again. For the second time in one week, Teen Mom star Jenelle Evans is in police custody, this time for violating a restraining order.

Few details have emerged about the arrest, but given that Jenelle is still on probation, and was picked up by police just last Wednesday for harassing her former roommate, it's safe to say the North Carolina mother of one is facing some serious legal problems.

Just like in her first booking photo of 2012, Jenelle flashed a satisfied grin for police cameras, which seems to suggest she's none too worried about the possibilities of jail time, or losing all custody rights of her son, Jace. On the plus side, with all these mug shots, Jenelle has no shortage of professional-quality Facebook profile pics to choose from. She'll find a new baby daddy in no time!

Teen Mom star Leah Messer was caught pulling a Kim Zolciak. The pregnant mother and engaged reality TV star was photographed while smoking a cigarette today. Ironically, she hit a deer with her car last weekend. Things aren't going so well for Leah in 2012.

Leah already has twins, and she's good at getting knocked up, so she's already pregnant with her third child at the age of 19. She has only been dating her fiance, Jeremy Calvert, for five months. This is gonna end well. Leah Messer smoking while pregnant photo.

The mug shot from Amber Portwood's latest arrest was released today and, needless to say, the Teen Mom star doesn't look too happy.

As the perennial Mother of the Year candidate cools her heels behind bars, more details are emerging about the latest in a long line of legal setbacks for Amber. It seems the "mood altering substance" she was on at the time of her arrest was some kind of prescription pill, several of which authorities found in her purse. Not surprisingly, Amber was unable to furnish a prescription for the pills.

A probation violation hearing is scheduled for January 13, which means Classy-pants Portwood will likely be spending Christmas in the clink for the second year in a row. It's funny, until you remember that this chick is famous because she has a daughter.

Amber Portwood has been arrested again. The troubled Teen Mom star was locked up on Monday for a probation violation and is expected to spend the holidays behind bars.

Amber was on probation stemming from her June arrest for assault on baby daddy, Gary Shirley. Her probation was revoked last month after she was arrested for battery and public intoxication following a fight at an Indiana restaurant. The judge also says Amber didn't complete her GED or anger management classes, as required by the court.

Yesterday, Amber was determined to be "a danger to herself and to society" and taken into custody. She was found to be  under the influence of a "mood altering substance" when the cops came, but she refused to submit to a drug test. Is it too late to nominate this chick for Mom of the Year?