Train Wrecks (Page 2)

We all knew Lindsay Lohan was having trouble finding work these days, but it looks like the situation is worse than anyone thought. Turns out, even volunteer organizations won't let the "actress" work for them for free. Seriously.

LA's Downtown Women's Center told Lindsay not to come back after she made several half-@ssed attempts at fulfilling her community service obligation. According to the terms of her sentence, Linds has to perform 360 hours of service, and as if that weren't bad enough, the judge wanted her to show up when scheduled and work for at least four hours at a time. Oh, the humanity.

Well, not surprisingly, Linds wasn't having that sh!t, so the Women's Center gave her the boot. But don't worry; as always, Lindsay has a million dumb excuses. According to TMZ, she's telling anyone who will listen that she was "unfairly" kicked out of the program, "insisting the staff were really mean to her." I bet they were. If there's one thing they hate at the Women's Center, it's troubled young women.

To make matters worse, Lindsay has refused to visit a psychiatrist once a week, another term of her probation. So basically, at this point, her entire life is a giant middle finger to the American justice system. Fortunately, she's due back in court again next week. Expect her to turn in her best performance, since...I dunno, she acted in movies at one point, right?

(Photo: WENN)

What in the hell is going on with Lindsay Lohan? One would think since she landed a $500,000 modeling job with Phillip Plein that she would do her best to look hot and show us what a fierce former convict she is when she makes appearances.

That was definitely not the case last night. Lindsay paraded on the red carpet at the Saints Row: The Third concert event held at the Superclub last night looking like a hot mess. Lindsay's face appeared to be extremely swollen, she had dried nail polish on her hands, and her teeth look brown and rotting.

Somebody needs to pull their shiz together and make a visit to the dentist! Lindsay is due back in court in a few days for a status update with Judge Stephanie Sautner, and if she shows up looking like this, Judge Stephie might question if she's on the right track.

Photos: WENN

I have a whole lot to say about Snooki and Jionni LaValle's relationship, but I'm going to refrain from commenting on it, or at least I'd like to... Let's see if I can make this work. On last week's episode of Jersey Shore, Snooki's boyfriend of 6 months, that she "wants to have guido babies with," spent a day flying to Italy to see her only to leave hours later.

Jionni has a temper, which seems to be fueled by his desire to control how Snooki behaves. When Nicole acts like herself, he berates her, or he bails. He's a keeper in Snooki's eyes, though, and Nicole said that this is the first time she's been in love. Naturally she doesn't know what healthy looks like, so she's standing by her man!

Check out some of Snooki's messages that she posted after she and Jionni became the new Sammi and Ronnie on last Thursday's explosive show:

• Welp, not everything is peaches. Shit happens! Sleeps with Jionni. Goodnight tweedos

• With jionni! Suckas.

So there you have it. Nicole is "With jionni! Suckas," and if she has her way, they'll get married and have cute, tan babies via C-section. I wonder if Jionni would have anything to do with Nicole if she weren't famous?

Okay, I did it. I kept the 2 cents to a minimum, but for those of you fans wondering if Snooki is still with Jionni, the answer is yes.

Photos: Twitter and Wenn

Nadya Suleman is extremely shy and she has always said that she doesn't want to be famous. After she gave birth, she held a few interviews and has been featured on magazines here and there, but she has reportedly rejected more offers than she accepted. Because all of her money has dried out, Suze Orman told her to start pimping herself out, which is what she's doing.

It's difficult to get it in when you have one child running around the house, but when you have 14 kids to look after, sex could be reduced to quickies only. Surprisingly, Nadya doesn't even have those, because this chick has no sex drive.

On her relationships in the past: I only had one boyfriend my whole life and I never loved him. I only wanted babies.

On what it was like when she was married: I never touched him [my ex-husband] physically. It was a different type of marriage. That’s all I want to say about it. I’m the kind of person who can be with a man for years and never touch him. My mind is not wired that way.

On sex: People need sex, but I don’t .. I have zero sexual interest.

On masturbation: I’ve never even touched myself in that way. Maybe if I had touched myself things would be different. It’s like a trigger food. I never tried it so I don’t know what I’m missing.

On how long it takes her to drop the panties: I couldn’t even imagine kissing something. I’ll be your friend but it would take at least five years for me to even consider having sex with you.

She is SO weird! On the other hand, having no sex drive would save you from doctor's visits and all the other stuff that I won't get into right now. I just couldn't imagine having 14 children without having someone, or 14 someones, bang my brains out to get me there.

Lindsay Lohan is one of America’s greatest trainwrecks and it looks like she’s not getting any better. After a night partying it up in Hollywood, she ended up in tears, screaming, and “barely able to walk.”

The troubled star--who's been slacking off her community service, psychological counseling, and shoplifting courses that are part of her probation--started the night out at Chateau Marmont, and then headed to a birthday celebration for actor Michael Donegar at the Palihouse Hotel.

Lindsay ordered two martinis from the waitress, claiming that they were for a friend. When the drinks arrived, she took a big gulp out of one of them and did a shot of vodka about 10 minutes later.

The night didn’t get any better, and she ended up all alone, with only the manager to escort her to her car. "By 2 am, she could barely stand. She was trying to stabilize herself on the chairs. Then she made it over to the curtains and hung on them."

The manager saw Lindsay's drunken @ss and he helped her stand up. Lohan was nice to the manager and told him that her friends had left her. "Then she picked up her phone and started screaming Why did everyone leave me? Where are you?'”

As details of Amy Winehouse’s death will surely be revealed over the coming weeks, I’m sure there will probably be more than a few comparisons to LiLo. But hopefully, in the end, Lindsay’s story will be different and she’ll get the help and support that she so obviously needs.

Photo: Fame

Jenelle Evans seems to be doing everything in her power to cement her place as the biggest train wreck in Teen Mom history. Anyone who's seen the show knows she has some stiff competition, but she's doing a bang-up job of saying to those other young moms, "This is how you mess your life up."

As part of her probation counseling, Jenelle was drug tested on July 13th. She failed the test, admitted to smoking weed and then toked a fat blunt in the above picture, taken July 17th.

Sure, Jenelle and her lawyers will claim it's some kind of brown cigarette that she's hitting like a champ in that picture, but we all know the truth. Jenelle will fail another drug test and probably end up doing some time at some point. Hopefully, they won't confiscate her Mother of the Year trophy at the county jail.

(Photo: TMZ)

Remember when Lindsay Lohan was in rehab and she had a confrontation with staffer Dawn Holland after she was busted for drinking? Well, Dawn is fighting back with a $1 million lawsuit against Lindsay.

If you've never seen the original report Dawn filed over the altercation, it's a must. It's obvious that Lindsay was pulling her diva bullsh!t and can't handle authority. She threw a fit when she and the other girls were asked to return to the property yelling at Dawn, "I'm not dealing with this bullsh!t. You're a rude @ss b!tch!"

It all goes down hill from there. Lindsay was refusing the breathalyzer because her mom said she didn't have to take it, and even called the cops on Dawn. Both Lindsay and Dawn initially said they wouldn't press charges but isn't it funny how Dawn is suing Lindsay over this nonsense? She says Lindsay grabbed her right wrist and began "twisting and pulling for 8-10 seconds."

No word of this wrist drama was ever mentioned by Dawn in the original report so this might not be enough to seek the money she wants for the "great mental, physical and nervous pain and suffering" she has endured since her battle with Lindsay.

Photo: WENN

You know you're a rock bottom crackhead if a rehab facility isn't even willing to let you in! Somewhere, Lindsay Lohan is shaking her head and snorting lines.

Brooke Mueller wasn't exactly denied entry to the treatment facility, but her crackhead self misplaced her passport, and she kind of needs it  to travel internationally!

Charlie Sheen's baby mama wants to try an extreme 7-day treatment course in Cancun where she'll be given Ibogaine, a drug that re-programmes the brain to cure addictions.

"Brooke made it to the gate with her doctor, but the airline staff wouldn't let her board the plane. Brooke is going to get an emergency passport on Wednesday, and hopes to leave for Mexico as soon as she gets the new one."

Ibogaine is illegal in the States. Brooke and Sheen should be too.

The last week has been rough for Amber Portwood - after an apparent suicide attempt and deciding she needs to go to rehab and therapy for her anger issues. At least one good thing has happened, Amber was reunited with her daughter Leah!

It's being reported it was an 'emotional reunion' for Amber and Leah outside of Amber's home. Gary Shirley has physical custody of Leah, and Amber is suppose to have supervised visitation with her baby girl one day a week for two hours, but a witness says there wasn't a supervisor in sight.

“Maybe there was an official from Child Protective Services inside her house, but I didn’t see anyone else outside with Amber and Leah except someone who looked like an MTV cameraman!"

Please tell me this witness's eyes were deceiving them and there wasn't an MTV camera guy there. I know MTV wants to document so much with these baby mommas, but there's a time when you need to back off and let them be human.

Photo: WENN

Who says you can't have a good time on house arrest? Not Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay has been locked up at home since May and she's doing a little more than just playing Scrabble or Yahtzee... She's getting her drink on!

According to TMZ, Lindsay took two tests recently, one came up negative but the other was positive for alcohol. That simple positive test can send her butt back to jail.

Lindsay tested positive for alcohol on one of the tests and negative on the other.  In both tests, she tested negative for drugs.  One of the tests was administered just after Lindsay had a rooftop barbecue party.

The L.A. County Probation Department will ask Judge Stephanie Sautner to yank her out of house arrest and throw her in L.A. County Jail. 

The Probation Department is also p!ssed that Lindsay is having parties at her house. Do they know who they're dealing with? Lindsay (I heart liquor and coke) Lohan. You can lock her up in her house, but that's not going to stop her from partying. Who thought house arrest was a good idea anyway? They're not policing what people bring in and out of the house, so you best believe she's getting her fun on like a rock star ... or washed up actress. Take your pick.

We'll just have to see what happens. Lindsay is due back in court today.

Photo: Fame