Train Wrecks (Page 3)

My favorite crackhead tried to pull herself together for a concert this weekend and totally failed. Amy Winehouse stumbled and mumbled through her performance in Belgrade, Serbia this weekend and it was so bad, fans had a hard time figuring out what songs she was singing, and they booed her while she was on stage.

"It was horrible," said Ivana Bilic, a fan. "She should have canceled the whole thing, rather than appear at all like this."

While performing 'Disaster', Amy was all over the place and seemed like she hardly had a clue what was going on. I hope this b!tch gets her shiz together because she's wasting serious talent with her singing, but she can toke on a crack pipe or chug alcohol like a champ! Get your priorities straight, woman.

You can watch Amy's hideous performance of 'Disaster' after the jump!

My favorite convict Lindsay Lohan was slapped with 120 day jail sentence for her jewelry theft, but she also has to undergo psychological counseling after the judge reviewed a probation report. It detailed a series of relapses, and evidence Lindsay had been drinking the night she got into a fight with a Betty Ford employee.

The probation report says Lohan indeed drank alcohol after sneaking out from the Betty Ford Center in December, citing local police interviews with restaurant and nightclub employees. Charges that she battered a rehab employee that night were dropped for lack of evidence.

Lindsay also tested positive for alcohol one week after her assistant surrendered the infamous necklace. The girl likes to get her drink on and suck down a pack of cigarettes while she's at it.

There's no stopping the Lindsay Express. She'll do something stupid to get in trouble again before she's done with probation. That train wreck just keeps on movin'!

Brooke Mueller is a practically as much of a train wreck as Charlie Sheen, but she tries to keep her wacko side on the down low. Everyone knows Brooke is a drug addict and has struggled over the years to stay sober. As part of their custody agreement over their twin boys Bob and Max, Charlie and Brooke are randomly drug tested three times a month and apparently today is Brooke's unlucky day.

According to Radar Online, Brooke found out early this morning that she was due to pee in a cup today and was frantically calling people for clean pee.

A pal of Brooke's said, "Brooke admitted to relapsing. She hasn't been returning calls, which usually means she's using. She's absolutely freaked out that this potential dirty test could result in her losing custody of their 2-year-old twins (Bob and Max) to Charlie."

There's no word yet on whether Brooke went to the testing facility and if she didn't come up with some Grade-A clean pee, she probably didn't show up. So if she fails does this mean custody is handed over to Charlie? Oh.Dear.God.

Photo: Wenn

Christina Aguilera can't stay away from the booze, which means she should give me a call so we can play drinking games some time. According to Us Magazine, Christina was spotted at Osteria Mozza, the eatery she was at when she got sh!t faced with her man Matthew Rutler and ended up arrested. She didn't waste her time getting back to her favorite boozing spot, as it had only been three days since her arrest.

"She acted as if the arrest never happened. When their server offered them dessert, they asked for more wine." When it was time to leave, a witness said Christina seemed tipsy but this time she and Matthew left in a limo but her little time in jail hasn't slowed down Christina's partying.

"She should see the arrest as a wake-up call, but she doesn't. She doesn't think things are that bad."

Another source said Christina is "nearly fall-down wasted nearly every night," so I take back what I said about wanting to play drinking games with her. The girl can't handle her liquor so it wouldn't be any fun having to babysit her, and I'll be damned if I have to hold back her hair while she pukes.

Charlie Sheen has been miraculously passing drug tests and his ex-wife Brooke Mueller has been clean and sober for a whole week since she began attending day treatment. Although Chuck may be coming up clean, Brooke worries Natalie Kenly and Bree Olsen may not be drug-free themselves. She wants the 'goddesses' drug tested, and frankly she doesn't want her kids around them at all.

"Brooke doesn't want the girlfriends around her sons. One is a porn star, and the other is a marijuana magazine cover model. Brooke is seeking to control who is around the boys when Charlie has custodial time with them."

"Brooke believes that just because Charlie is clean, for now, doesn't mean that his house is drug free. She is very, very concerned about the people that are in Charlie's life."

Wow Brooke, you're finally seeing the jacked-up circus your kids are being subjected to when they're with Charlie? It's about damn time you opened your eyes!

If only Brooke Mueller wasn't such a mess herself I'd feel more sympathetic.

If you didn't realize Andy Dick is a drug-loving hard partying looney, it's time to crawl out from underneath the rock. He's a hot mess, and in recent months he's been on a path of self-destruction. Radar Online obtained photos of Andy snorting coke like a pro off a CD case with some chick in a car.

An eyewitness said while Andy and his friend were snorting coke he was “oblivious to everything except the cocaine and the woman with him,” and apparently his oblivious blinders stayed up while he was in the men's bathroom sucking on his female pal's boobs.

“They didn’t even care or acknowledge me. He was all over her in the men’s bathroom, she was lifting her shirt and he was kissing her naked breasts.”

,In November 2010 a friend admitted Andy has been out of control for months and he fears Andy may kill himself.

"Andy has openly talked to me about committing suicide and he has definitely hit rock bottom at this point. Unless he gets help fast then he's going to kill himself, because he is totally out of control just now."

The only shocking part of this story is hearing Andy was sucking on a chick's breasts. Don't tell me I'm not the only one who thought he'd be sucking on peen!

This isn't April Fools Day, is it? This has to be some kind of joke because I can't believe I'm seeing Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley walking hand in hand. America's favorite train wreck couple must have rekindled their love since they were seen looking practically inseparable as they left. So what were they doing together?

Actually, they arrived separately at an Indiana courthouse to have the restraining order lifted on Amber. Gary told the judge he "never wanted it in the first place,” so I guess he was cool with the beatings he received from Amber in the past. Amber's currently in therapy and Gary's hoping they'll eventually marry.

The catch is the judge told Amber and Gary they're not allowed to have contact with each other while in the presence of their daughter Leah unless they're trading custody.

So is this really love or are they playing us and trying to make us believe they're happy so they can possibly squeeze another season of Teen Mom out of MTV? Money talks!

Lindsay Lohan is likely headed back to the clink following her decision to pull a Winona Ryder and thief some jewelery from an unsuspecting boutique owner. The only difference between Lindsay and Winona is that one of them is a talented actress who made a simple mistake and doesn't actually belong behind bars. Oh, and after she got busted, Winona apologized and tried to rehabilitate her image, while Lindsay did the opposite and partied with Kanye West.

Nothing says "contrite" like posing for red carpet photos with a dude who's picture is in the dictionary next to "controversial d-bag." Linds' dad says she's "extremely worried" about the charges, and she should be, but she sure as hell doesn't look it here. Shoplifiting might seem like a pretty minor infraction compared to some of the sh!t Lindsay's been involved with in the past, but bear in mind that the cost of the necklace will likely lead to Lindsay being charged with a freakin' felony! Oh yeah, and the fact that she's on probation, means she'll almost certainly spend some serious time in the slammer if she's found guilty. But what does any of that matter when Kanye is mixing up the Goose and Malibu concoctions? He calls it Malibu-yeah!

Charlie Sheen is obsessed with sex, hookers, cocaine, porn and starting his own 'porn family.' He's so serious about his business that he took matters into his own hands by making a sex tape pilot of his own. "Charlie's Devils" is the name of Sheen's homemade porno. A woman named Madame 'Felony' gave an interview to Radar Online discussing the night of practicing positions, and Chuck's interest in fetishes and spanking.

Felony says Charlie loves all sexual positions, but doggy style is one of his favorites. It's not just positions that Charlie loves - he likes the kinky stuff too.

"The ladies love Charlie. He likes to explore his sexuality. He likes fetish, spanking, role play, really kinky stuff. He likes a lot (of women)... he doesn't just like one (at a time). Sometimes he will be finicky and likes just one, but he generally likes to be surrounded by women."

Felony and her bevy of whores had secret passwords they would use to get into Charlie's place since he lives in a gated community.

"Sometimes he would say, 'Chocolate Whip Cream!' or 'Lick My Lollipop!'... then the security guard would know that it was legit. They would do a secret password just to be really cute and make the girls feel more comfortable!"

Felony said Charlie kept the tape so he could "practice." Is that what he really told her and she believed it? Haha! I guess a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, even if it includes dirty hookers. Felony is opening her mouth about Charlie just as much as she does during a gang bangin' blow job convention. Man, they just don't make 'em like Heidi Fleiss anymore, do they?

Charlie Sheen is giving rehab another go. The actor suddenly checked into a rehabilitation facility over the weekend. As a result, the filming of eight episodes of "Two and a Half Men" has been put on pause while Charlie seeks help.

The crew is worried they will be the financial casualties of Charlie's problem. There are 300 people associated with the show, many of whom are nervous about not getting a paycheck. Sources say when production was halted last February while Charlie was in rehab, the crew was  "partially compensated."

The studio hasn't decided what to do this time around -- whether the staff will be fully or partially compensated. A decision is expected soon.

Well this is fun! Three hundred people may receive a major pay cut because Charlie Sheen is a f*ck up who may remain a f*ck up until he overdoses. He was pretty much forced into rehab. How is it that Charles is able to cause more drama in a few years than we will in our entire lifetime and still hold onto his job? This man is one lucky SOB.