Train Wrecks (Page 5)

...and the coke dealers wept. As part of a last-ditch effort to avoid going back to the clink, Lindsay Lohan checked herself back into rehab and is rumored to be staying there until her October 22nd court date. Like most things involving LiLo, the whole situation is even more crazy-cakes than it initially sounds.

That's Linds pretending to read a self-help book on her last night of freedom. She probably thinks this picture says, "I'm totally serious about getting sober, you guys" *wipes coke boogers on sleeve*. What it actually says is that she thinks we're all retarded. Who the hell reads in front of a sunset without noticing the photographer 3 feet away? Well it's better than having your picture taken while you're shooting heroin.

Mom of the year Dina Lohan has already started trying to get a conservatorship over Lindsay, because, ya know, Linds won't be able to spend her own money for a while, so someone else should, right? A conservatorship is basically a legal ruling that you're mentally 12 years old. Lindsay might soon join Britney Spears on the very short list of adult millionaires who are too effed up to run their own lives.

Oh, and the book Lindsay's reading? It's about getting a good night's sleep. I could probably help her with that - stop doing piles of blow! There, you can put the book down, now. Good luck in the 'hab you crazy, crazy coke vacuum.

Lindsay Lohan loves blow, cigarettes, prescription drugs, RedBull, and Samantha Ronson's snatch, but the former Disney star may also be into one of the hardest drugs available, the one that has killed off many of its users: Heroin. X17 obtained photos of Lindsay with drug syringes.

The photos were taken in 2007. Why are they coming out now? Cause Lindsay's "friends" suck, I presume they're the ones behind this, and she's in the midst of a legal battle, which makes this the perfect time to kick her while she's down.

Lindsay may have been injecting crystal meth or heroin into her veins. The Daily Mail UK reports that Lindsay made a tourniquet around her left arm and injected herself with an unknown substance. In the photos, Lindsay is also seen kissing Paris Hilton. If you're going to play with heroin, you might as well get an STD while you're at it to see which one kills you off first.

Linds is reportedly headed back to rehab for a fifth time.

Everyone wants a piece of Danielle Staub's crazy pie because networks believe the Real Housewives of New Jersey star will be ratings gold.

"Danielle has been taking meetings with networks and production companies and so far there's a solid offer from a major network," a source told Radar Online.

Vh1 is allegedly particularly interested in bringing Staub to its network.

I have no plans of watching Danielle's show, but I think it may be one of the few reality TV shows that isn't scripted. Any scene featuring the Grinch lookalike will become entertaining enough just because her mentally unstable self is in it.

Lindsay Lohan showed up to court this morning wearing some hawt sunglasses, a nice dress and some $1,195 Christian Louboutin heels, but none of that mattered to Judge Elden Fox cause she's not a LiLo fan.

Lindsay had to appear in court for testing positive for cocaine and for Adderal.

Judge Fox did not hear any argument from the lawyers before making his ruling. Lindsay's lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, told TMZ the judge had no legal basis for denying her client bail. Lindsay was handcuffed in court before being taken into custody.

People who commit such a misdemeanor offense have to be offered bail! Lindsay is an effed up brat, but the judge is effed up too. Linds was reportedly shocked when she was remanded into custody. She was taken to a Sheriff's vehicle, covered by a blanket.

Lindsay is expected to be in jail until at least Oct. 22.

I know many of you are all 'Haha!' about this, but I don't like it at all. Imagine if your judge didn't follow protocol and sent you to jail when you should have been offered bail. You wouldn't think it was so funny then. I don't believe jail will fix Lindsay either, although she needs it. No one changes until he or she wants to, and Lindsay clearly isn't there yet. She didn't even write her Twitter apology. Her friends wrote it while she was drinking, yes the same "friends" who probably wrote it so that they could tell the press they were behind it. Linds' inner circle sucks worse than she does.

Stay tuned...

Lindsay Lohan has failed her court-mandated drug test. The test took place last week. Lindsay is insisting that it isn't true, but confirmed sources, via TMZ says that she has failed.

You can't run away from the law Lindsay.

According to the terms of Lindsay's probation, she will get 30 days in jail for a positive drug test.

"People with addiction problems don't get better magically, and she's really been making an effort to make herself better." And D.A. spokesperson Sandi Gibbons tells TMZ her office has not been "officially notified" of the test results and no court date has been set yet.

SOOOOOO over Lindsay!

UPDATE: LiLo tested positive for cocaine.

Nicole Snooki Polizzi was trashed and wreaking havoc on beach goers the day she was arrested, and People reports she's being charged with disorderly conduct, creating a public nuisance, and annoying people on the beach. I didn't realize it was a crime to be annoying!

At a hearing in Seaside Heights yesterday, an attorney to Snooki entered not guilty please to all charges, and if she's convicted of all three charges, she could face a $2,000 in fines. Her attorney says since Snooki has a clean record she should be fined no more than $500.

I've never heard of someone being charged for annoying people on the beach, but it doesn't surprise me that Snooki would get charged for something like that. She's a drunken nut job!

Good old Dina Lohan was interviewed by Matt Lauer this morning on the Today Show about her train wreck daughter Lindsay Lohan, and feels she was ambushed by Matt's questions on Lindsay's jail term, and her current stint in rehab. A friend of Dina's tells Pop Eater that White Oprah was surprised by how many tough questions Matt asked.

"Dina felt ambushed by Matt. She was surprised how many tough questions he asked."

"She didn't understand why [Lauer] kept asking her those other questions -- she knows she's a great mother and Lindsay will get out of rehab soon. Everyone makes mistakes, it's just that Lindsay makes it into the papers."

She probably felt ambushed because she really doesn't have a clue what is going on with her daughter. All Dina did through most of the interview was declare Judge Marsha Revel mishandled the case, and played hardball with Lindsay. Not to mention how many times she said the judge had been 'recused' from the case. She did everything in her power to blame everyone else for Lindsay's problems rather than put any blame on Lindsay herself.

Lindsay Lohan survived her 13 days in jail and is now attending rehab in the UCLA Medical Center. An inmate who was in the clink at the same time as Lindsay told Radar Online the washed up actress received special attention like being able to hit up the medical clinic several times a day, and also getting a new jumpsuit on a daily basis when other inmates receive one a week.

Lindsay also had jail employees running around to help satisfy her literature needs. I had no idea she knew how to read!

“One employee of the jail had to spend his day searching the entire place for any books by Ernest Hemmingway for Lindsay. Those are the only books she would read.”

“I was sentenced to 30 days because of a violation of my probation for not attending an alcohol education class. The same thing as Lindsay. Lindsay served 13 days out of her 90 day sentence whereas I had to serve 20 days for a much lesser sentence.”

“Lindsay got off easy in more ways than one, but she didn’t look good. The whole jail joked about how good she looked in her mug shot compared to in person.”

It's sad when you have some hardcore b*tches in jail who probably have tattoos of their lesbian lovers vagina on their neck, or the names of all of their baby daddy's listed on their thigh, making fun of how sh*tty you look. Jail is awesome!

Looks like someone can't keep their shiz together! Tara Reid had entered rehab in 2008 for an addiction to alcohol and has done a good job of keeping clean, or at least appearing to be sober up until recently. While hanging in St. Tropez, Tara proved she still knows how to party hard.

According to In Touch Weekly, Tara was acting out in public, staying up until dawn and kissing a "string of random men". They weren't all random though. Sources say she was also seen hanging out with her ex-fiance Michael Axtmann and making out with Dennis Rodman.

"Tara has been out every night this past week," St. Tropez resident Lucy Richards tells In Touch. "She's been at Nikki Beach during the day, drinking rosé wine, and then she's been out drinking champagne and vodka until 5 a.m. at clubs in the port."

Richards says she saw Tara "dancing on tables" and getting very affectionate with her ex-fiancé Michael - and others: On July 28, "She kissed a girl behind the bar - and almost every man who walked past her." The next night, local John Baptiste says Tara was "kissing Dennis Rodman in the VIP room of a club" and acting as if she was very drunk. "This is not a girl who has turned her life around at all."

Like I said, she may have put on a good front while in public and still doing coke and throwing back shots of Crown in the privacy of her own home.  Maybe she just cut back on the vodka enema's and that's her idea of sobering up.

She's never going to have an acting career again if she doesn't focus on getting over the hard partying and put a little weight on her bones.

My favorite attention whoring train wreck has managed to get her name in the news again. Yesterday it was reported by Radar Online that Tila Tequila had inked a deal to star in a porn movie and hoped to make millions off of the sale of it. Per usual, Tila is rynning to her blog to deny the rumors and call out the 'source' who gave this information to Radar.

Tila says it's all bullsh*t and claims the rumor was started by an employee of OMG who was fired for inappropriate behavior. Tila posted the following rant on her website to the perpetrator and made it clear she has lawyered up and is ready to fight back.

"My pit bull Lawyer, Alan Gutman, is already on getting ready to file a restraining order from you!!! Do you want to play hardball????? Do you want me to tell the WORLD what you did to me????? Well since I have more class than you, I’m not going to tell them. Time will tell itself once the news comes out of the VIOLENT things you did to me, that scared the sh*t out of me until I kept my mouth shut about it………. Remember the “SCARS” anyone? Hmmmmmmmmmm…… I was so afraid to tell people what REALLY HAPPENED! You will all know soon enough!"

"And for once and for all, I DID NOT, and I repeat, I DID NOT MAKE A DEAL TO MAKE A SEXTAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And whomever spreads rumors about that, or tries to “LEAK” things from when I was only 17 years old… F*CK YOU! DO NOT F*CK WITH ME!"

What's this crap about leaking something from when she was 17? I honestly don't believe anything that comes out of this pugs mouth. She went through a fake pregnancy with an ultrasound photo and all, claimed it was The Game's baby, and even faked a suicide attempt. She's probably in on this whole porn flick rumor and is making money off of the story herself.

She needs to get her implants changed out because the pair she has apparently is leaking to her brain and making her say some stupid sh*t.