Train Wrecks (Page 6)

Just because Lindsay Lohan is behind bars doesn't mean she can't still enjoy some of her prescription pills and some junk food munchies while she's in the clink. According to TMZ, Lindsay is allowed to take several drugs including Adderall for ADHD, and Ambien to help her sleep on that comfortable cot she's calling a bed right now.

They're also reporting she can get the hook-up on some tasty junk food through the Keefe Commissary Network Gift Pack Program. The program allows each inmate $135 worth of the gift pack programs munchy baskets per week, and here's an example of what the $22.73 package will get you:

Spicy Velveeta Refried Beans
Spam
Kit Kat Bar
Vanilla Creme Cookies (14 oz)
Cheese Curls (11 oz)
Country Time Rasp./Lemon. (6 oz)
Lime Chili Ramen
Flour Tortillas
Cupcake SS

Lindsay will end up ordering the most expensive package she can get, because what better things are there to do in jail than binge and purge with junk food? Lindsay's a hot mess and doing things such as cutting, or taking her eating habits to the extreme are comforting to her because it's something she can control unlike the stopped up toilet in her jail cell.

Wanted: Some dumba** who will work for free and represent Lindsay Lohan through all of her legal bull crap. No joke. Lindsay's a rundown broke b*tch who doesn't have the cash flow to pay for a decent lawyer, so she's hoping someone will work for free. Seriously!

"Lindsay wants her new attorney to represent her for free. Lindsay doesn't think she should pay for a new lawyer, period. Lindsay has gone through two attorneys already. The type of lawyers Lindsay is used to having are expensive because they are simply the best at what they do. Lindsay just doesn't have the money that she used to pay for the best. The lawyers she is interviewing wouldn't represent her for free, period."

Lindsay has met with L.A. attorney Robert Shaprio, who has represented O.J. Simpson and the Kardashians but sources tell Radar Online "Robert hasn't decided if he is going to take the case or not."

Hell no, he's not going to take the case. Who wants to put up with Lindsay Lohan's nonsense if they're not getting paid? Not a well known attorney whose work is worth millions!

Lindsay Lohan’s not big on legal obligations, but she’s doing a pretty good job of keeping up with her restraining order with sanity, by staying at least 50 feet from reality at all times. According to an anonymous friend who spoke to TMZ, Lohan spent much of her belated birthday party on Wednesday boasting that she was definitely “not going to jail.”

This is hilarious for a number of reasons: 1. She is definitely going to jail. It may only be for 3 weeks or something lame like that, but you can put money on the fact that b*tch will be doing time. Even L.A. judges have their limits. 2. Are any of Lindsay’s friends not anonymous? Who would admit to still being friends with her?

I’m pretty sure at this point Lindsay’s “friends” are just a bunch of random people who earn their living by reporting all of the f’ed-up things that come out of her mouth to gossip sites. Eventually she’ll wonder why they’re all carrying boom mics and tape recorders, and finally stop talking. 3. How many birthday parties is this chick gonna have? When you’re a rich drug addict, isn’t every night a party? Do you really need the birthday excuse?

You’d think with all the lesbians and drugs she can expect to find in jail that Lindsay would be saving her strength, but apparently she’s gonna keep gettin’ her retarded on right up until they lock her away, thus ensuring that people like me have something to write about for another week. She’s a true American hero.

Poor Lindsay Lohan. The washed up actress can't get a break but she doesn't deserve one either. According to TMZ lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley, who has been representing Lindsay and was sitting by her side during her arraignment on Tuesday, has quit!

TMZ called Holley for comment on a story we're working on, and she informed us she is no longer repping Lindsay. Sources tell us Holley resigned earlier today. As for who Lindsay will be hiring ... we're told she's a brand new lawyer,Tiffany Feder-Cohen who was just admitted to the bar in November. 

I'm beginning to wonder if Lindsay's classy nail art was directed toward her lawyer and that's why she quit? It sounds like this is Linday's best week ever!

Close-up photographs hit the Interweb yesterday showing a heartfelt 'f*ck u' message on Lindsay Lohan's middle finger nails. Was that message for the Judge who sentenced her, the media, or blogger folks like me who are cackling profusely over her jail sentence? Nope. According to Lindsay's tweet to a pal yesterday afternoon, it was just a joke.

"Didn't we do our nails as a joke with our friend? It had nothing to do w/court.. it's an airbrush design from a stencil."

Does anyone believe she's telling the truth? Hell no! This is someone who stood in court and talked about missing alcohol education classes because of her career work. Lie! We all know Lindsay Lohan hasn't had a career in about 5 years! She'd better find something loving and simple to write on her nails like 'not in the butt' or 'my herpes are flaring, this isn't a good time to lick-a-lot-o-p*ssy' before she goes to jail. I don't think 'f*ck u' will go over well with the tough b*tches in the pen.

Lindsay Lohan had a message for the court and the rest of her haters during her court hearing yesterday. After taking a closer look at the fabulous manicure she had done, it was obvious she had 'f*ck u' stenciled on her middle finger nails. I'm feeling the love!

I've got my own message for Lindsay: F*ck u for being able to get away with so much sh*t while you've been on probation, and f*ck u for believing you could keep getting away with it because you're a celebrity. 'Washed up' and 'has been' would have been a much more understandable statement.

I hope she keeps that classy message on her nails when she goes into the slammer. Big Becky isn't going to take a liking to that little message and next thing you know she's cleaning her cell toilet with Lindsay's golden weave.

Happy 24th Birthday Lindsay Lohan! There's no better way for Lindsay to celebrate her birthday than by getting her drink on and snorting lots of coke except that's impossible to do when you're wearing your fashionable SCRAM bracelet! Lindsay tried having a sober good time last night while partying at Voyeur in L.A. last night but that came to an end when a waitress b*tch smacked her!

Lindsay posted a message on Twitter that "A waitress just hit me - punched me for no reason" and a witness to the smack her around the club told Us magazine that Lindsay's not lying! Write this day down on your calendar folks.

"The waitress has a history with Doug Reinhardt, and Lohan was hanging out with him. She was jealous, and out of nowhere, the waitress punched her in the face!" the insider tells Us. "Doug didn't want any part of it and went to the other side of the booth. Lohan ran out."

Lindsay decided to celebrate at Rockstar House where she ran into the waitress again.

"Lohan showed up and cried because the waitress was there as well. Some birthday."

Some birthday indeed! Nothing puts a bigger smile on my face than hearing Lindsay was slapped like a pimp hitting his ho. That may be the best birthday present anyone could ever give her.

Nobody can possibly regret the night Lindsay Lohan chased her assistant's mother around Los Angeles in 2007 more than Lindsay herself. This story won't die! If you remember, Lindsay had cocaine in her system when she was arrested that night, and they also found cocaine in her pants pocket. It's okay though, cause the pants belonged to her friend! Right, Lindsay.

TMZ reports the judge in the civil lawsuit has ordered Lindsay to answer questions about her cocaine use on the night of the chase. Lindsay's lawyer Ed McPherson made it clear to E! News that he has his panties in a bunch over his client being 'harassed' in this civil case.

"In general, although I think that the questions they want to ask Lindsay are improper, we will participate in the deposition, as ordered by Judge Stone, and Lindsay will respond to their questions honestly. Fortunately, the judge has limited the harassment to two hours."

Mr. Ed asked the judge to delay the deposition until after Lindsay's court hearing on July 6 when a judge will decide if she violated probation in the case. Lindsay might as well party her @ss off over the next two weeks and pay the $10,000 fee if she's caught drinking while she has her oh so fashionable SCRAM bracelet on.

They're gonna find a way to lock her up or throw her bad weave in rehab, one way or another!

Lets face it, everyone in the world is out to get Lindsay Lohan. Her dad makes her out to be a raging prescription pill addict, Samantha Ronson portrays Lindsay as a psycho ex-girlfriend who sends incoherent texts while coked up, and now Bravo is trying to make her look like an irresponsible celebutard who can't show up to a simple photo shoot on time.

On last night's episode of Double Exposure, which was titled 'Is Lindsay Here Yet?,' little miss LiLo showed up to the shoot 11 hours late but swears she was given the wrong call time. You know how Lindsay Lohan rolls, she tweets when she's angry, so here's what she had to say about being set up:

As for BRAVO and their false representation of me on their new show; I was given the wrong call time-now I know on purpose...it was a set up
about 8 hours ago via UberTwitter

Unfortunate that I considered jorge on the show a friend to trust...oh- and I've never come close to anything other than posing in a photo..
about 8 hours ago via UberTwitter

I don't appreciate being used for press, and I'm sure others would agree! Love to everyone
about 8 hours ago via UberTwitter

Photo shoot for Indrani and Markus... So that's bullshit too.... Thank goodness for #twitter !!!!! The truth can be stated!!!!
about 6 hours ago via UberTwitter

Don't blame Bravo because you were too coked up to get to bed before 7 am and couldn't work on 3 hours of sleep. She portrays herself as a loser who can't show up on time for photo shoots, nobody has to help her look like a fool when she does it so well on her own!

Lindsay Lohan gets to live to see another day outside of cell bars! Judge Marsha Revel had issues a bench warrant for Lindsay's arrest and bail was set at $200,000, but it was recalled after bail bondsman David Perez posted the standard 10% of bail yesterday afternoon. This is the second time Lindsay has an arrest warrant and posted bail in less than three weeks!

According to Radar Online, the warrant was issued after Lindsay's SCRAM bracelet indicated the presence of alcohol on Sunday night, which is also the same night of the MTV Movie Awards. See, she can't handle going out to a big event without getting her drink on! Lindsay claims she has proof she didn't drink and these are all false accusations, but a source tells Radar otherwise.

"Lindsay had alcohol in her system. It’s not an accident. The bracelet didn’t go off by itself. She had ingested alcohol. There was absolutely proof of alcohol in her system and that’s why the judge did what she did.”

Instead of using the old 'the dog ate my homework' line, Lindsay will turn it into 'a drunk dog p*ssed on my SCRAM bracelet' excuse. Nothing is going to help Lindsay besides rehab and that's not going to work until she gets it in her head that she has a serious problem. Jail may scare the hell out of her, but it's not going to sober her up for any longer than she's in there. Until then, expect plenty more ridiculous excuses out of Lilo's mouth.