Train Wrecks (Page 8)

After what feels like 10 years in the making, Heidi Montag is finally allegedly going to release her debut album, Superficial. The album's debut single is also named "Superficial," and the picture below is expected to be the album's cover.

Heidi says, "This cover is a shout out to the '80s. It makes you remember when you just had to run out to the record store and get your favorite album. You dreamt of those tapes."

I remember the days when I passionately defended Heidi Montag, calling her "my favorite whorse," but I've been so over her for a while now.

Here's the audio for her "Superficial" single. It's too mediocre to suit my fancy, but I did really like Heidi's "Body Language."

There's two things that Lindsay Lohan is good at and she should stick with 'em.... Snorting coke and taking pills. Lindsay was brought on as a celebrity adviser to work with the Ungaro fashion line and it turned out to be a complete disaster. When her 'works of art' debuted at Paris fashion week, it was an embarrassment to the fashion industry.

CEO Mounir Moufarrige is the dumbas* who announced over the summer that he was bringing Lindsay on to f*ck everything up "provide an electric shock" to the fashion house and all she succeeded in doing was making a mockery of the company.

Ungaro's chairman, Asim Abdullah wants Lindsay out before she does any more damage than she already has to their fashion line.

"Asim wants her out now. Department stores in the States have already told him they won't be picking up the line if Lohan remains a collaborator, so it's a serious issue."

Mounir is the one who hired and gave Lindsay a multi-year contract and he doesn't want to fire her. He better do what's right and get rid of her straggle haired *ss before he gets booted himself. Even main man Ungaro is upset with Lindsay's hand in the collection and said "I am furious, but I can't do anything about it," adding that the label "is in the process of losing its soul."

Just pay her whatever you agreed upon in the contract because you'll lose less money by getting rid of her, rather than letting her get her cigarette stained fingers onto any more of your designs.

If no one will put Tila Tequila on camera, she'll put her own damn self on there and she'll be naked while filming, too.

Tila Tequila has been reportedly naked for hours, ranting about San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman. Tila alleges that he's a "woman beater."

Tila also said, "I am an angel ... because I am here to save the world with my army. People call me an attention whore .. or whatever ... but excuse me I'm a grown ass woman and I'm confident in myself ...

Tila also reminds us that we were born nekkid, saying, "I think a woman's body is a beautiful thing ... that's why I'm a lesbian ... I was born naked ... anybody who is against that is gay and in denial."

Tila's lawyer claims that her incident with Shawne Merriman has pushed the petite slut over the edge. Oh really? Tila's an embarassment to all domestic violence victims and she makes me wanna pop her implants.

Amy Winehouse is so stoked about her new boobies that she wants to go even larger. The tiny former crackhead went from a 32B to a 32D last month, and if she goes any bigger she's going to fall over from being off balance!

Ever since Amy bought herself a pair of new knockers, she's been proudly showing them off everywhere she goes. Friends say she's so happy with her boobies that she can't stop touching them and she's even considering butt implants.

"She thinks by having another op and bum implants that she will achieve her dream pin-up look."

Amy has always been hit in the face, but she had a cute little curvaceous body before she started hitting the pipe and snortin' the powder. She should start small and find someone to help her put on that black eyeliner evenly before she gets her butt plumped up. Amy just wants to upgrade her looks with surgery so she can sell her implants on Ebay later when she's broke and needs the cash to buy more crack.

Dina Lohan is ready to sink her three inch teeth into Michael Lohan's neck because of the taped phone conversations he keeps releasing to the press. She's so upset with everything that has been going on in the Lohan news recently that she's speaking out about Michael's behavior.

"The tapes were from a long time ago, and for a father to stoop this low is unforgivable."

I wonder if Dina has done any research to see if it's even legal for Michael to tape their conversations? Probably not. She's too busy making Ali the next Hollywood train wreck. She also says Michael Lohan was given a chance to be in his children's lives again but he blew it and owes some cash flow for child support.

"My heart is breaking for my children that he could do this. He has no visitation anymore and is six months behind in child support. The authorities have been alerted!"

Aaah, it's just another day in Lohan paradise!

It's a sad day for Avenue clue goers since Lindsay Lohan is now allowed back into the hot spot. Which gives Lindsay another place where she can get boozed up and snort a few lines.

Lindsay was banned from Avenue after she sent out a tweet regarding Justin Timberlake dancing with hot chicks. Unfortunately, none of those ladies were Jessica Biel. Lindsay was hard up to get back into Avenue and begged management to let her back in, and has visited the club twice this week.

"She besieged the management with calls and e-mails to let her back in, and she promised to be on her best behavior." And she kept her word -- abstaining from alcohol and even throwing away a drink sent over by another guest.

If we could just get film makers to ban her from starring in another movie, the world would be a perfect place.

Amy Winehouse's father has admitted that she got her boobies done. They reportedly cost $52,000, which is way out of the price range for a boob job! If it's going to cost me that much to get some good knockers, they better have diamond encrusted nipples.

Wino's father was on UK TV show This Morning and said he didn't have to pay for the boobs, so he couldn't confirm the cost. He did open up on how well Amy is doing.

"(She's) fantastic. Her boobs are great as well! She looks absolutely fantastic. If you look back to where we were a year ago, we are on a different planet. We are in a different space and a different time and (Amy is) a different person."

Amy was complaining recently about her boobs f*cking killing her which is a good way to get some good pain killers. They're killing me in the photo above because they're lopsided. She's not straight and neither are her boobs, but she's not on my overdose death watch list like she was a year ago.

Lindsay Lohan is a drunk slut who can't keep her sh*t together and is apparently also f*cking up in her alcohol education program. Lindsay has to appear before a judge and give them a progress report.

People who run the alcohol program gave the court information regarding her conduct and and the judge is concerned.

The alcohol education course which Lindsay Lohan is taking as part of her probation not only contacted the court about Lindsay's conduct ... we're told they may have already told the court she is outright violating the terms of the program. If the judge determines Lindsay violated the terms of the program, her probation can be revoked and Lindsay could end up in jail.

Yeah! Give her jail time and make sure it's longer than a couple hours. Keep her in there until she squeals like a little pig and poops herself! Maybe that would work as the wake-up call she needs to get her self cleaned up.

In the midst of launching her own shoe line, Dina Lohan is p*ssed off with her ex-husband Michael Lohan. There's no time for family drama when you're droppin' your own shoe line!

Michael Lohan recently spoke to the media about staging an intervention with Lindsay for her pill popping addiction. He said Dina has told him that if they don't do something about Lindsay's problem, they won't have a daughter.

Dina has come out swinging for Lindsay and said Michael makes things up and doesn't know what's going on in Lindsay's life.

"It is hurtful for a child for her own father, whom she has no relationship with, to say things in public about her like that."

When asked about Michael's comment about Lindsay having a drug problem Dina said "I have no idea what he is talking about. I can't comment on everything my ex says." I wonder if Dina even knows what she's talking about half of the time. She lives in Dinaland 24 hours a day and that's why her 15 year old daughter Ali dresses like a prostitute and Lindsay is always busy looking for her next line to snort.

Neither Michael nor Dina are playing a serious role in their childrens' lives and they wonder why their kids all become f*ck-ups.

It seems as though Mischa Barton's wisdom tooth surgery is still causing problems for the train wreck.

Her friends had been speaking out about how worried they were about her drinking problem earlier in the summer, and it sounds as if she's still hitting the bottle hard. Mischa was seen looking a bit tipsy at the G-Star after party at the Bowery Hotel.

"She kept saying, in a really spacey, weird British accent, 'Like, I'm with the deejay. I to tally know the deejay. I'm here for the deejay,' " laughs our spy. "She was slurring her words." After being let in, we're told that Barton "needed to be escorted to the deejay booth" where she proceeded to "stand for about an hour, dancing in her own world. I don't think her eyes were open to full capacity -- or even half capacity -- the whole time she was there."

This chick is going to keep spiraling downward unless someone sits her down and talks some sense into her. Get her *ss in rehab!