Well, that was close. We almost had to go weeks, possibly months, without finding out what kind of salad Kim Kardashian had for lunch or getting to look at blurry cell phone pics of her cleavage. Fortunately, some billionaire weirdo (who probably puts on a cape and fights crime at night, a la Bruce Wayne) saved us from that horrible fate.

Last week, Kim and a bunch of other celebs pledged to be "dead" on Facebook and Twitter - no status updates, tweets or desperate pleas for attention - until they raised $1 million for AIDS awareness. Because...ya know, people weren't already aware of AIDS. The plan backfired, though, as it turned out a bunch of millionaires refusing to choke your news feed until you coughed up a bunch of cash a few weeks before Christmas was not the best way to raise money. In fact, it might be the worst way to raise money that anyone ever thought of.
The public failure of this campaign was, of course, the most terrible thing that could ever happen. The celebs were embarrassed; the Grinch had stolen Christmas, and AIDS - emboldened by its victory over Kim Kardashian - became Super AIDS and could now be transmitted via text message. But just as celebs like Usher started to say f*ck it and get their tweet on regardless of the fact that they fell short of their goal, some dude named Stewart Rahr swooped in, donated the rest of the cash (about 500 grand), and brought a bunch of famous people back from internet hell.
Personally, I thought the celebs involved would pony up the dough to save themselves the embarrassment of admitting that no one gives a sh!t about their self-absorbed online ramblings. Instead, it looks like they suckered some unknown billionaire into making with the cash, probably with a promise to pay him back once the dust settles.
So at the end of the day, this campaign raised a million dollars for charity. More importantly, however, it clued a bunch of celebs in to the fact that while Americans might be obsessed with the idea of celebrity, our worlds keep right on turning without hourly updates on how much money famous people spend on spa treatments. So be sure to log on to Twitter to welcome back Kim and her massive @ss and ego. Someone probably missed her.