WTF News (Page 6)

I'm finally going to get an answer to a couple of questions that have boggled my brain for years, what does Marge Simpson look like naked? Does she have a bush and if so, is it big and blue like her hair? The truth will be revealed in the November issue of Playboy magazine.

Playboy CEO Scott Flanders hopes the three page cartoon pictorial will help bring younger readers in their 20s.

The Marge Simpson centerfold is "obviously somewhat tongue-in-cheek. It had never been done, and we thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual."

Playboy better get ready for their onslaught of 13 year old customers who will start subscribing once they see Marge's vag. Dads, make sure you put away your Marge Simpson Playboy before you find it with lotion and a bundle of sticky toilet paper next to it.

Some would say blondes have more fun, but I would go as far as to say blondes have more dumb too. Hayden Panettiere proves my point after expressing her fears of a fan stabbing her.

"I'm just afraid somebody's going to stab me one day and think that my power is real and they expect me to start healing. I've been thinking about that since the first season."

Wow I'm speechless, but I like dingy females like Hayden cause they make me feel smart for a moment. Then I realize I'm just as much of a dumb*ss as any rock head blonde, and I'm back to reality that I'm a retarded brunette. I need to dye my locks platinum blonde so my hair color fits with my IQ.

The description for the Robert Pattinson documentary 'Robsessed' says that the film will give an "exclusive, insider's look" into Robert's life from schoolboy to model to actor and global icon.

The DVD will be released on November 10, just 10 days before New Moon hits theaters.

Revolver Entertainment is behind the film and they promise that the DVD will be filled with "a lot of Rob" cause "for a lot of people there's no such thing as too much Rob." I have to say that I agree.

Tila Tequila has posted some strange tweets on Twitter this week about committing suicide.

Who knows what is going through her head but she posted Monday evening that "It woulda been tonite I ended my life, but my friend caught me and stopped me." I don't know what she's smoking but she believes God wants her to do it.

"I am not depressed or unhappy! My life is amazing. It's not about that though! Like I said, God spoke to me and told me I am needed up there."

The Tila Tequila suicide watch has begun since she plans on killing herself in two weeks according to her tweets.  

"At least i care enough 2 tell u that u have 2 more weeks w me here So enjoy it. Appreciate it Now that u know im gone soon."

Alliston Iraheta's debut single is "Friday I'll Be Over You." Allison made it to American Idol's top 4 and her album will be released on Dec. 1.

When asked what fans will take away from 'Friday I'll Be Over You,' Allison said, "It's a song everyone can relate to. It's a pretty simple song. It ain't too hard to understand. I think people will really just be like 'Yeah!' ... hopefully."

And when it comes to Idol, Allison said that it was "pretty hard" for her to be herself, saying, You're already portrayed as someone else. It's kind of hard to come out as who you really are. But, now people get a chance to know who we are, going to see us on tour and stuff.

I love Allison, but this song is a horrible way for her to launch her solo career. She is much better than this absolute CRAP! Although I'm skurred of her debut album now, I still hope it will at least go gold.

Allison Iraheta Friday I'll Be Over You

The adorable, sweet and talented Kandi Burruss of the Real Housewives of Atlanta's ex-fiance Ashley Jewell has died.

AJ was killed Friday night after sustaining fatal injuries to the head in a fight at Atlanta club Body Tap. AJ was not there to party, he was a partial owner of the club.

He suffered a severe blow to the head and was rushed from the club to Piedmont hospital where he was later pronounced dead.

Police are still searching for suspects in the death and possible murder of Ashley Jewell.

So senseless, and this must be extremely hard on Kandi considering the way that he died. AJ will always be associated with violence. AJ was so much more than that tragic incident and he's the father of six children. I also researched to find AJ's age, but I couldn't find it anywhere. He had to be around Kandi's age. She's 33.

My thoughts and prayers go out to Kandi and all of AJ's friends and family.

Who is Stephanie Birkitt? More like who does Stephanie think she is?

Stephanie Birkitt went from Wake University graduate to 48 Hours employee to assistant to David Letterman in more ways than one.

She has appeared on the Late Show With David Letterman an alleged 11 times, going by various nicknames as Vicky, Smitty and Kitty. Such creativity.

She began working as an intern in 2006 then worked her way up to associate producer on 48 hours before working in Letterman's office, handling his charities and Indy car racing team. She went on to interview Survivor castoffs and gave on-air reports from the sites of the Winter Olympics in 2002 and 2006. Her affair with Dave ended in 2003.

Check out videos of two Stephanie appearances on The Late Show. You'll need to skip to the 3:15 mark for this one.

And you'll need to skip to the 1:00 mark on this one.

I couldn't sit through Steph's sketches. She's an awkward Plain Jane and I don't see what Dave sees in her. Regardless of my superficial preferences, it's fun to watch the former lovers interact. Observing people who've engaged in grown folk's business is always a good time when you try to figure out if you can pick up on their chemistry. Well at least I find it interesting. I'd like to think it exemplifies my love of research and my breathtaking analytical skills at work.

Watching David Letterman's show last night was a bit awkward after I heard earlier in the evening that he admitted to humping some of his female employees. David was being blackmailed for $2 million by Robert Joel Halderman who was threatening to possibly turn the scandal into a book or a movie.

When Dave spoke about it on the show, it seemed as though the audience initially thought it was some type of joke. He was smart to tell the story himself before any of the media got a hold of it and broke the news. I think the crowd realized it wasn't a laughing matter when he explained he had to testify earlier that morning over the extortion plot.

"This morning,I had to go downtown and testify before a grand jury... Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would. I feel like I need to protect these people. I need to certainly protect my family."

Dave has been with is wife Regina Lasko since 1986 but just married earlier this year, so he has been bedding his co-working hoes throughout their relationship. He didn't say when he was sleeping with his co-workers but you know it had to be over the past 20 years. I understand why he admitted the affairs on his show, but I've lost respect for him knowing he has been cheating on his wife for so long.

Where are these chicks he was banging? Do any of them still work for him? I'll bet he paid them good hush money to keep this shiz quiet and out of the news! It won't be long till they start coming out of the woodwork now that he spilled the beans of his employee humpathon.

Anyone who thought that Jon Gosselin was a pushover is SO wrong! The balding male slut is trying to get TLC to "pull the plug" on Jon & Kate Plus Hate. WOW!

Jon's attorney Mark Heller - who previously represented Lindsay Lohan's attention whore father, Michael Lohan - released the following statement today. Knives out!

As legal counsel for Jon Gosselin, I am totally confident that he will be completely successful in his quest to take back control of his family and preserve, protect and ensure their future well-being by putting the brakes on his divorce and pulling the plug on TLC, the media giant that he perceives as a monster that has exploited and manipulated his family and has been partially responsible for the breakdown of his marriage.

Jon is resolved not to allow the TLC Corporate machine to devour his family and promote the monster's best interests over those of his family. 

TLC and Discovery have been reputed to have generated approximately $186 million dollars for the quarter – compliments of the Gosselin Family, and Jon firmly believes that their greed to continue that cash flow will be trumped by his courage and determination to protect his family.

Is Jon serious? I don't speak Douche and I think I need a translator. TLC is entitled to make however many hundreds of millions or billions off of Jon, Kate and their army that they want to. They created them! They own them! They've given them fame and access to a wealth of resources that they would never have if it weren't for the show.

Jon is ridiculously dumb. Not only is he burning bridges with TLC and Discovery, but these industry folks all work together and no one will want to work with him again. It's not like he's good at anything other than complaining and sleeping with barely legal women.

Poor Kate! And when Jon's kids get older, they just may hate him too when they realize how self-serving their a*hole father truly is.

The sex tape you never wanted to see might exist. There's rumors hitting the 'net today that Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have a sex tape.

The two supposedly made the tape while on vacation a few years ago and forgot to take the camera with them. An employee at the resort is attempting to sell the tape, but who really wants to pay for that?

In the 15 minute tape, the two get their groove on the boring old folks way, straight missionary style. I'd watch it. I've seen German chicks with pigs, dudes with horses and Asian ladies playing with each other while vomiting in a bathtub. I'm not scared of some Jimmy Kimmel action.