Tag Archives: Cynthia Bailey

Real Housewives of Atlanta Finale Recap: Kenya Moore Throws Porsha Out

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s season 5 finale ended with a bang. Kenya Moore is throwing her “iconic black women in film” party where the Housewives dress up as famous black celebrities. Kenya tells Porsha that she has to dress up as Halle Berry in BAPS. She also reveals that the whole reason she’s throwing the party in the first place is because Porsha said that she’s “old” and her accomplishments are irrelevant. Kenya is just as sensitive as she is irrational.

 Real Housewives of Atlanta season 5 finale

Phaedra Parks brings Kandi Burruss with her to play around with her “Phaedra Sparks” line of stun guns. She hopes that Kandi will begin selling her stun guns with her Bedroom Kandi sex toy line. Phay Phay is ghetto and I wish she would lose the fake ‘Southern Belle’ accent and just be real. She’s chasing the dollar and she’s looking far from boughetto in the process.

Phaedra is supposed to be a celebrity attorney, a funeral director, a workout video star and now she has a line of stun guns. She looks desperate and that’s why Phaedra has yet to create one successful business. She doesn’t know how to pursue her interests. Every few months she’s trying to do something new and everyone sees right through it.

Porsha brings her husband Kordell with her to her counseling session. Kordell says that his arguments with his wife last “Five, ten seconds” and that if Porsha wants to win a fight it won’t happen. “If it’s about winning, you gon lose every single time,” Kordell says. Porsha is so lucky that Kordell Stewart filed for divorce. She won’t be missing out on much. Kordell isn’t a partner, he’s a controlling, selfish jerk.

Kordell says he wasn’t there for Porsha when she had her miscarriage cause he was dealing with losing his dad. So awful.

After trying on various wigs and outfits to look like Halle Berry from BAPS, Porsha figures out that the joke’s on her if she dresses as Halle like Kenya instructed her to. She arrives at the party in a gorgeous shimmering gold gown, dressed as Dorothy Dandridge instead.

Kenya is FUMING that Porsha is being “disrespectful” and not following her “specific instructions” to dress up as Halle from BAPS. Kenya says that she has “to cancel the BAPS portion” of the party. Kenya claims: “This is really offensive to me right now. This is a party that I paid for and you want to come and pick a fight.”

So let’s talk about this “party.” Kenya’s “party” looks awkward and boring. Not enough drinks are flowing. No one looks like they’re having any fun and I doubt Kenya even has any real friends.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Porsha’s Husband Kordell is Controlling, Kenya Confronts Phaedra

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The girls are still in Los Angeles and they’re taking a party bus to Las Vegas. Nene Leakes will be flying in first class because she has to do some filming for The New Normal first. On the way to Vegas, Phaedra Parks imitates Kenya and it’s pretty hilarious. Porsha Stewart says she doesn’t do strip clubs. Phaedra wants to go because “we all came into the world naked.”

Real Housewives of Atlanta season 5

A possibly drunken Kandi Burruss stands up and reveals that she farts while her now fiance Todd Tucker goes down on her. Only Kandi!

Due to traffic, the 5-hour bus ride is now taking more than 7 hours. The “ladies” finally arrive 8 hours later.

In the limo ride for a night out, Porsha explains that her husband Kordell wouldn’t want her to go to the strip club because he controls her. Porsha complains that she doesn’t “like to see a woman sell her body like that.” Suuuuure.

At the strip club, Nene tells the other women, “You lose yourself when you marry a successful guy. You end up living their dream.” Nene, suddenly very proud that she used to be a stripper, says that she invited Gregg Leakes to the strip club and she danced for him while she was a stripper and that’s how he found out; he didn’t tell her to quit working at da club.

The next morning, the other women are ready before Porsha even though she stayed in. We see a random makeup artist working on her face because she needs “to be fabulous, 24/7.”

In the limo, Nene tries to convince Porsha that her man is controlling. Porsha argues that her husband “let” her go on this Vegas trip. Nene says that if she stands up for herself, Kordell will listen. You have to respect Nene for caring so much about Porsha to keep it real! Nene is either hilarious and cool, or you really want to choke her out. Occasionally she’s tolerable.

Kenya Moore’s topless boobs pop out while she jokes around backstage. It was just as random as it sounds.

Kandi goes shopping and takes pictures of engagement rings that she likes and sends them to her boyfriend Todd because he’s asked her what rings she likes. So cute!

Because Kandi has a sex toy line (and is a marketing genius), she throws a Bedroom Kandi event in a hotel room where she talks about her sex toys. She also instructs the ladies to give head to a strawberry. When Kenya sucks on her strawberry, Phaedra mentions Kenya’s ex-boyfriend, saying: “Somebody might like it but it don’t look like Walter do.” LMFAO!!!! That was mean.

Kenya later interrupts the fun by saying that she can’t pretend that she’s cool with Phaedra. Phaedra calls Kenya out for wearing butt pads to a charity event.

“At the end of the day, I’m a grown woman and I don’t have to do childish stuff by dressing like you,” Phay Phay explained. Phaedra 1, Kenya – 468.

Kenya, still desperately trying to prove to the world she isn’t mental, said she “wanted to hold a mirror up to Phaedra to show her what crazy looks like.”

Always one for the great one liners coupled with hilarious facial expressions, Phaedra says “In order to have a healthy debate, you have to have a conversation with someone who’s healthy and rational.” Bloop!

Kenya yells at Phaedra: “You cut me to the white meat. Okay, you did!” I love it. I love that I don’t know WTF that means and never want to.

Peacemaker Phaedra repeatedly tells Kenya that she was hurt by her and Phaedra isn’t even mentioning how shady it is that Kenya stole her Donkey Booty workout video idea. Phaedra asks Miss USA if she’d like an apology and a teary-eyed Kenya screams: “No b!tch, I don’t need an apology from you Phaedra because you already showed me that it’s not going to mean anything anyway!” Then why are you crying about being hurt? Kenya is insane. Phaedra has learned how to move on. She should too.

Next week we see Porsha crying because Kordell tells her that she has to stay at home taking care of their baby and they won’t have a nanny. Kordell and Porsha have no prenup. He should be nicer to his wife if he wants to keep her.

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Kenya Moore Wears Butt Pads, Bikini Outfit to Charity Event on RHOA

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I have officially seen it all. On tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kenya Moore, a 42-year-old woman, got upset that Phaedra Parks said that she needs some medication. Kenya retaliated by showing Phaedra, Kandi Burruss and the rest of the RHOA cast (and millions of viewers) that she is seriously legitimately crazy. To see WTF Kenya wore to a charity event, watch the video below. Warning: Your life won’t be the same after you watch this mess, lol.

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kenya-moore-butt-pads-shoedazzle-charity-bikini-outfit[1] Kenya Moore booty pads

 

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 5 Supertrailer: Todd Tucker Puts a Ring on It?

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There are two new "housewives" on The Real Housewives of Atlanta this season and it looks like they're the perfect edition to the show. Nene Leakes believes that she has "arrived" because she's joined the cast of The New Normal. Meanwhile, Kenya Moore wants Phaedra Parks' husband Apollo Nida and the other newcomer wants to earn her spot on the show by fighting with the other girls.

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Kandi Burruss' boyfriend Todd Tucker may put a ring on it and Kim Zolciak and her idiot husband discuss how they can stop procreating; and last but not least, the ladies enjoy another mandatory exotic Housewives vacation.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 3 Reunion Recap

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From the opening question to the final one, Nene Leakes had her mouth open almost the entire time, proving that she’s 10x more unlikable when she gives interviews than she is on the show.

Nene’s New Nose:

One of the first topics up for discussion was Nene’s plastic surgery. Ms. Leakes said that she loves her nose and she’s unaware of any dissenters online, which isn’t true. Nene specifically defended her plastic surgery in response to the haters.

NeNe Leakes ATL Reunion picture

About the hater comments about her swimsuit runway show, Cynthia Bailey said, “I would love to see these ladies walk down the runway in a swimsuit. I’m sure I could find some flaws as well.” EXACTLY! Cynthia is good at sticking up to the women more than she does her husband, but it’s encouraging to see.

Kim’s New Nipples:

Kim Zolciak said that she went from saline to silicone and her nipples were raised. The host then asked the ladies if they had had any work done, and they actually confessed!! Cynthia said “I had a little bit of lipo.” and  Kandi added “I had a little [lipo] in my stomach.” Shocker!

Kim’s Baby is Coming Soon:

Kim is 5 months pregnant and has been dating Atlanta Falcons’ Kroy Biermann for nine months. Now that’s a gold-digger on the clock!

When asked if she thinks that Kim’s relationship with Kroy will last, Nene said, “I really don’t care.” The problem with Nene’s attitude is that she and Kim were friends for years and now she has made Kim her enemy simply because Kim outshines her with her music career, relationship, and business ventures. Nene tries to tear down everyone who is successful.

We learn that Cynthia has listened to Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” and she has signed a prenup.

And then we move onto Nene’s junior high school crush on Peter. Nene denies that she has a crush on Peter although all of the footage throughout this season suggests otherwise. This is yet another one of Nene’s countless lies.

Phaedra Parks Housewives reunion

“White People Eat Canned Food” Comment “Isn’t Racist” According to Phaedra:

Phaedra explained that she is not intolerant of white people nor is she racist. Uh, that sounded prejudiced though, boo. And to think that she’s a lawyer who doesn’t know how to avoid making damaging statements on television? In defense of her diva meets The Nutcracker baby shower, Phaedra says “since when did roses become ghetto?” All of the women were looking at the floor and laughing as Phaedra attempted to explain why she had her nails did on her face and white roses hanging off of her weave.

Nene Was Trying to Be Famous For Years:

Nene then says that she did not know Phaedra growing up and Phaedra fires back and says that Nene actually called her and asked if she could do a TV show with her!!!!! Phaedra also put Nene in her place whens he told her: “Your claim to fame is this show. I’m pre-Housewives.” Bam!

 

Phaedra says she has no problem with the other women but “Nene’s been on me since day one.” Welcome to the club Phay Phay. Nene pretty much tortured Kandi Burruss when she joined the show. Bullying is what Nene does best.

Gregg is Getting Out, Dwight is Already Out:

Nene said that she and Gregg are getting divorced and Gregg is moving out. She also hinted that Gregg did cheat on her, which she spoke to Cynthia about on the show. And, because Nene doesn’t want to see anyone else shine, she claimed that her former BFF Dwight is a social climber which is why she’s no longer friends with him. The world is out to get a piece of Nene’s pie and she’s not having it! Ugh.

Kim Zolciak and Kandi Burruss

Kim Defends Mistreating Her Assistant:

Sweetie is Kim’s African-American assistant that Wiggy Kimmy treats like sh!t which prompted Nene to get in Kim’s face and threaten her.

Cynthia says that Kim does not show Sweetie any respect. Phaedra adds that America has a very racist past and that there is still a lot of racial tension and racism that thrives today, especially in the South.

Nene then backtracks and says that Kim doesn’t show Sweetie “human respect” and that how Kim speaks to Sweetie did not upset her because “it’s not a racial issue” for her. Funny coming from the woman who said that “Sweetie is Kim’s slave” and that what prompted her argument and anti-Kim campaign with the other women is that Kim acts superior and racist to her black assistant. Nene then said that she doesn’t accept verbal abuse well and so she’s “completely done” with the Kim and Sweetie abuse situation, which ends the first installment of the reunion.

Next week Kandi is crying because Kim only paid her $4,000 even though “Tardy for the Party,” the song Kandi produced, made $80,000. I have no sympathy for doormats and I hope Kim uses Kandi again. Phaedra is also questioned about her pregnancy lies and Nene and Kim continue to go at it.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Phaedra Parks Has a “Sip and See” Party For Ayden, Kim & Kandi Go on Tour

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We begin with Phaedra Parks cutting up peaches in her kitchen to prepare for a “Sip and See” party, which is a “Southern tradition” where all attendees get to meet/ “look but don’t touch” her newborn baby, Ayden. Word on the blogs is that Phay Phay may have made up this “Southern tradition” herself. No one has heard of a Sip and See.

Phaedra, who is becoming more and more likable by the minute, says that outside the courtroom she is “Martha Stewart all day.” Well, she always calls herself a Southern Belle, and those b!tches are supposed to be in the kitchen cooking for their man, so she better know her way around the kitchen.

Phaedra tells her ex-convict husband Apollo Nida that Kim Zolciak made comments about him being in jail – he served 6 years in prison for allegedly stealing. Apollo says that he doesn’t know what he has to do to make people forget. Uh, get a job! Apollo apparently has one, but you know he’s just a trophy husband that doesn’t exactly bring home the bacon.

Phaedra Parks Sip and See party

Meanwhile Cynthia Bailey’s fiance Peter Thomas needs investors for his failing restaurant. Cynthia reveals that although she had invested a lot of her money into the restaurant, Peter doesn’t tell her much about it.

Phaedra’s party is about to begin and Dwight introduces “the royal family” to the crowd, as Phaedra walks down the stairs with Apollo and Ayden. Shortly after the royals’ party officially begins, Ayden starts crying. Like everyone there, he just wasn’t feelin’ it.

Kim, who recently had an intense argument with Phaedra, arrives at the party looking like “Jessica Rabbit gone bad,” according to Phaedra. Kim tells Phaedra that her son is beautiful and that some people’s children “ain’t that pretty.” The two go outside where Wiggy Kimmy shows Phaedra her nursing documentation, and Phaedra talks about Apollo getting locked up after they had met. The two ladies make peace, like, in 5 minutes. I think they just don’t care about each other enough to keep beefing.

kim shot

  Back at Kim’s house, Kim’s verbal assaults on her assistant Sweetie continue as she asks Sweetie to shoot her up with a B-12 injection so that she can have energy for her three-city tour. Although Kim was a nurse, she’s terrified of needles and says a prayer before she receives her shot?!

Kim’s youngest daughter questions the necessity of Kim’s tour and she tells her mom “You’re not even that famous!” Oh snap.

Once Kim’s older daughter Brielle learns that Kim’s assistant is leaving for 7 days, she starts bawling. Kim also begins tear shedding and she tells Brielle that she “has to go to make a living.” Good thing Atlanta Falcon Kroy Biermann knocked Kimmy up; she can begin collecting child support only months from now.

 

Kim is briefed on what will be involved for her tour with Kandi Burruss, but Kim doesn’t like rules and says that she feels as though she’s “in the military.” Kim’s racist chain smoking white trash self also tells Kandi’s manager to get his “nappy ass” outta her bed. Wiggy Kimmy has also made racist comments during season one, but who’s keeping track?

nene and jermaine

Nene Leakes has a tragic interview with “short like a little munchkin” Jermaine Dupri because she “didn’t do a whole lot of research” for it. Jermaine keeps giving Nene one-word answers. And she wants a nationwide talk show? Nene needs to check her diva.

Phaedra and Sheree go for a walk and I won’t paraphrase their conversation because it was so deep. Phaedra: Your booty is looking thick! Sheree: I’ve been blessed with the booty! Phaedra: Um, hmmm. My booty did something weird after I had the baby. It used to be a big old donkey booty, like a big old reindeer. It runs in my family. Most people in my family have big booties. 

Profound.
Next Kim gets into it with Kandi’s manager because he talks about how Kim was sleeping with a married man, aka Big Poppa. Kim gets defensive and claims that Big Poppa never cheated on her the entire time that they were together… I guess that makes sense cause Kim also claims that Big Poppa isn’t married because he doesn’t live with his wife.

CSI NY actor Hill Harper arrives at Cynthia’s house to counsel her and her fiance Peter. She says that she and Peter decided to work with their “good friend,” Hill. Conflict of interest much? During their session, Peter says that Cynthia doesn’t listen to him. However, I tend to think that when one asserts that someone else “doesn’t listen,” it’s just code for ‘You’re not behaving like my bitch, bitch!’

Kroy had flowers delivered to Kim, Kandi’s mom and aunts show up for their performance, Kim was smoking and drinking before her show instead of doing vocal exercises, then Kimmy hit the stage. It’s lights, camera, cellulite hanging out time! Kim ditches the choreography but still entertains the crowd. Kandi did a great job with her performance, which followed Kim’s. Next stop: Orlando.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: DJ Tracy Young Shows Up, Sheree Takes Acting “To The Next Level”

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The episode begins with Kim Zolciak calling her former lesbian lover DJ Tracy Young to discuss meeting up with a vocal coach, which Kandi justifiably requested for talentless Kim. During the conversation, Tracy Young encourages Kim and Tracy sounds legally mentally retarded. Her speech is slow and nearly slurred and I’m just hoping that some distorting from Bravo took place, for what reason I don’t know exactly, but her voice is bad. In other words, I think she’s slow, which explains everything.

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About Tracy, Kim says, “We’d sit there and listen to music all day and all night and just jam to music… and we had sex, ok, great. QUIVER!” And this is why the gays love Kim. I love how casual she is when discussing her fake lesbian grown folks’ business.

We’re then introduced to Sheree Whitfield’s acting coach that she’s been seeing for a while, yet we were unaware even existed. She tells Sheree about an offer to act in a play for two weeks. Queen diva Sheree learns that the job provides no pay and she seems agitated before she claims that she has to think about it. Sure, Sheree bought an Aston Martin convertible, but what else does she actually have to do, other than drive around Atlanta pretending that she had the money to buy a car that the authorities later ceased?!

Cynthia Bailey’s on the phone with Nene Leakes and Peter Thomas is in the kitchen cooking and he tells his fiance to get off the phone. Peter tells Cynthia that he wants her undivided attention when he walks into the door after work. I would call him a jerk for saying that, but the man was cooking while complaining, so it’s cool.

Wiggy Kimmy goes to see a vocal coach and DJ Tracy is there with her. Tracy sounds slow in person too, but she’s really cute. While Kim’s in the recording booth, Tracy is staring at her, banging her with her eyes the entire time.

nene in bed

Nene whines to her friend about her marriage, but we’re fast forwarding past her marriage drama cause she’s “still together” with Gregg anyway. Nene’s like one of your friends, we all have ‘em, who calls and complains about who they’re with, and then has sex with their partner as soon as they hit the “end” button on the phone. They vow to end the relationship and then you log onto Facebook hours later and see new photos of the happy couple making out on the beach. It’s almost like venting about how much their boyfriend sucks becomes foreplay, meanwhile you were actually concerned about their well being.

 

Phaedra Parks is seen rubbing her husband Apollo’s arm while in a bedroom and he asks her if she’s getting mushy. Phaedra suddenly looks pretty and motherhood looks great on her. She then presents Apollo with a picture of himself sleeping while under their adorable newborn, Ayden. Upon seeing the framed photo, Apollo asks, “When did you take this [picture]?” and Phaedra says “When you were sleeping.” There are no words, yo. No words!

Phaedra has a photoshoot with her baby and she’s holding her naked infant in her hand and he poops into it. Phaedra haters rejoice. Phaedra says that “Ayden knows not to poop on his mama” and I am suddenly terrified that she thinks he’s not too young for her to “beat the crap out of him.” During the shoot, Apollo has his shirt off and I never knew his body was so hawt!! If only he had a personality.

phaedra baby

Kandi Burruss says that she isn’t noticing any improvement of Kim’s vocals even though Kim told her that she had been working hard. Kandi really has no right to say anything bad about Kim’s singing. Kandi, someone who has been in the music industry for almost two decades, knows that Kim can’t sing to save her life and she still chose to work with her, therefore it’s not fair for Kandi to expect talent from Kim.

Sheree has a photoshoot for headshots since she’s trying to become an actress. She says “TV, movies, commercials, here I come!” TV? Yes, Sheree, you’re already one of the main stars of a television show. Movies and commercials could also come if Sheree’s used as a silent prop. Like Kandi Burruss and Phaedra Parks, Sheree has a big ol’ ghetto booty – there are always rap videos to be made.

During her meeting with talent agents, Sheree can’t name the two plays that she has done. There’s a blonde woman sitting across from Sheree and she has a smirk on her face that makes me laugh. Sheree’s embarrassing herself and she should just get up and run outta the room because her acting is gawd awful! When asked if anyone has any questions for Sheree, they all said no. Sheree says that her confidence will take her career “to the next level” and we all learn that one doesn’t need a career in order to take it places.

DJ Tracy Young arrives at Kandi’s drag racing event with Kim, and Kim gets upset that Sheree asks Tracy how things are going with Kim. This is after Wiggy Kimmy has spoken to the tabloids about her relationship, yet no one is supposed to ask Tracy about it?

Kandi is furious that she lost the race, she’s freaking out like she’s on roids and wants her money back, it’s so hilarious. And the episode ends with Cynthia’s fiancé Peter talking to Nene on Cynthia’s phone, as they’re driving home, and he gives Nene attitude. He’s the quintessential alpha male and he needs to learn how to speak English, for real.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Phaedra Parks Has a Baby Assistant, Cynthia Gets Engaged

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This week's episode begins with Sheree Whitfield's 24 year-old daughter Tianna showing up at Sheree's house where she discovers Sheree's new black Aston Martin car. Sheree justifies her expensive purchase by saying that she "could downsize" but just doesn't want to, which is why that car got repossessed last week, according to TMZ. Oops!

Sheree tells her daughter that she's going to dance in a Stars of Atlanta charity event. Sheree's conversation with Tianna about the charity, and every conversation she has with her before and after this one, is awkward. Their embraces and conversations are strange, like Tianna was abducted at 3 years old and reintroduced to Sheree, only brought in by producers for ratings.

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Kim Zolciak's parents have also joined the cast this season. I swear we've seen Kim with brown hair and a mustache (her unattractive dad) in every episode for weeks now. Wiggy Kimmy redecorated her office with pictures of herself everywhere and claims she spent $60,000 upgrading her daughter's room, but you know she added a few zeros cause Bravo only pays her $3k/ episode.

Nene Leakes arrives at Cynthia Bailey's house because her boyfriend Peter told Nene he would propose to Cynthia. He then gives one of the most unromantic proposals in history. Peter goes bended knee and channels Shakespeare, announcing: "Since everybody's here and it took three years. You ready? You ready. You ready. You not gonna back up? You not gonna run? You gonna marry me?" Cynthia says yes. Peter asks, "You promise?" Then he puts a ring on Cynthia's ring finger on her right hand and I am still trying to process WTF I think I just witnessed.

Nene said, "It was strange."

Phaedra Parks wants to edumacate us on the birds and the bees, so she informs us that "The baby is ready to climb out of my vagina." Note taken. Phaedra wants people to take care of her child while she's in the hospital and she explains why she has hired help. "Latoya can figure out all this milk and ointment business. I can spend my time buying cute clothes for my baby and spoiling myself."

Super fabulous hair stylist Lawrence shows up to the recording studio wearing some black Chanel heels, but don't hate cause "these are last season." Lawrence, a gayer than a drag queen in a fairy costume dude, says that the lyrics to Kandi Burruss' song are "real gay!" Lawrence also tells Kandi that Kim told him that she didn't like Kandi's song. Kandi is shocked and hurt. I can't believe she's allowing Wiggy Kimmy to get under her Grammy winning skin. While he's singing, Kandi tells Lawrence to "Ooze sex right now. OOZE IT!" Dayum, Kandi's celibacy pact is really getting to her. She's going through withdrawals cause its been months since she's had sugar rammed up her cooter.

 

 

Real Housewives of Atlanta new cast members

Cynthia's bald head graces us again as she's seen shopping for a wedding dress. "Being a fashion model, I just can't buy my wedding dress off the rack. That would be fashion suicide." Funny how Cynthia's manufactured personality appears when she's reciting lines but vanishes whenever she's filming a "real life" scene. Cynthia thinks she needs help picking a dress out because "I'm a model. I can't tell if this dress looks great on me or I'm just making this dress look great." I can appreciate a humble chick. Props.

Sheree then pulls up to the Dancing Stars of Atlanta event and she didn't go into debt for nothing, so she immediately goes diva. Sheree asks the man standing next to her car, "You going to open [my car door] or do you want me to open it?!" as she gives him an agitated stare. Ha! He opens the door. Sheree travels with an entourage that gets her ready because "You gotta be skilled to touch this face." Nene wasn't around much this week, so Sheree is my favorite "housewife" this episode.

Lawrence is getting Sheree ready, doing her hair and looking at her dance partner that he decides he should bone. Lawrence says, "He gon go home wit me honey!"  As the event draws near, Sheree is forced to get ready in the bathroom, which Nene says is an indicator that the "celebrities" at the event are, um, D-listers.

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Cynthia arrives to the fundraiser in an assassin wig that drives her new fiance Peter crazy. Peter tells her, "You look hot. That wig's sure got me excited," which is code for 'I don't need Viagra right now.' Cynthia's new hairstyle exemplifies one of the benefits of dating a black girl, you don't know what she's going to do with her hair on which day. It's like cheating on your girlfriend with her hot sisters and cousins, but remaining faithful.

Next we all get to see how Kim and Kroy Biermann began dating!! Kroy competed in the fundraiser dance competition. Kim spotted him from across the room and got an instant girl boner, smiling from ear to ear as he danced, saying, "The football player's ass was amazing. I've never seen an ass on a white boy like that… Unbelievable!"

After the event, Kim walks up to Kroy and says, "Can I just be honest with you? I never in my whole life seen an ass like that. I just had to tell you… Call me." I don't recommend flirting like that because I think romantic propositions should include some profanity. Like, there's a big difference between being "hot" and "f*cking hot." You also don't want to tell a man you've never seen anyone like him before, that's desperate, but Kim got her date and Kyle won – the competition, of course.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Phaedra Parks’ Baby is Coming Soon, Gregg Cheated on Nene Leakes

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* This is a day late, which happens when you write a recap that gets deleted. I pushed a re-write back a day instead of throwing my laptop out the window.

This week’s episode begins with super gay, super fabulous Lawrence, Sheree Whitfield’s hairdresser, showing up at the recording studio to meet with Kandi Burruss. Kandi wants Lawrence to be “the next Ru Paul.” Lawrence says that he’ll work hard for it because he’s got “some real grown lady bills.”

We then see Bryce playing pool downstairs as his mom Nene Leakes says that it is the 30th day of her Bryce-must-get-the-f*ck-out-in-90-days cause “When you out, you iz out!” plan. Bryce says that he wants Nene to hook him up with a club owner because he wants to do club promotion. I don’t see how that gig would work for Bryson.

Bryce is painfully unattractive, really tall, fat. I don’t wanna go to any club that he’s representing. Kind of like how the chick I saw Downtown on Saturday night was wearing a silver bra and some black and pink stripped panties that didn’t cover up the gut she was rocking. She was freezing her nipples off but she wasn’t bringing the sex appeal. Natives and tourists alike stared at her and no one wanted to even take her fliers. I’ve seen a glimpse of Bryson’s future. It’s not pretty.

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Cynthia Bailey’s baby daddy also makes an appearance cause reality TV is great for has been actors, which is exactly what he is. Cynthia says, “We created this amazing love child together” and I love her for saying that. How many people are like, “Praise God for my bastard child!” Two snaps.

The mush comes to a screeching halt, literally, as we’re tortured with Kim Zolciak’s croaking in the studio with Kandi. Kim complains that the song is too high, she needs curtains to surround her microphone, she needs to change up lyrics, and she also has a lisp. Kandi tells Kim,“To be honest with you, you do have an ear problem, a pitch problem. You need some vocal lessons.” If Kandi wanted to be honest with herself, she’d drop Kim because she’s wasting everyone’s time, energy and money.

But as we all know, this season is all about attorney and convict f*cker Phaedra Parks. She delivers like Dominoes. She always gives many “Oh no she didn’t!” moments every week.

Phaedra meets up with former Destiny’s Child singer LaTavia and LaTavia is sh*t talking Destiny’s Child on TV. Uh oh! LaTavia can expect a notice from a law office any day now because Beyonce has paid those hater b!tches she sings about in “Survivor” to STFU or else. It’s shocking to see LaTavia talking about how she “was told from somebody in the group that [she doesn’t] do enough in the group to have an opinion.” Well whoever said that is right, considering that her ass isn’t in the group anymore. NEXT!

Apollo Nida’s husband wife wants to help LaTavia with her comeback. Phaedra encourages her, saying, “I got the Midas touch, so let me touch you and turn you to gold, girl.” I really like Phaedra when she’s not sounding prejudiced or vowing to abuse her child. There’s no need for Phaedra to be such a hater. Who does she think she is, a gossip blogger? 

Real Housewives of Atlanta new cast members

Kim is like Phaedra, she must remind us that she supposedly has money, so Kim tells us that she spends “$800 a month, that’s like $10,000 a year” on storage units filled with her crap. Wiggy Kimmy looks through her junk and sees mirror after mirror. Her explanation? “I don’t think you can have enough mirrors ever. My hair can change every two feet or something, you know? I need to be able to look in the mirror.”

 

Kim throws a yard sale and her Dad is there, offering to sell her Louis Vuitton shoes for $5 and Kimmy hilariously starts stressin’ out. That problem would be eliminated if Kim actually tried to sell items herself, but “effort” and “Kim” don’t go together like “talent” and another Kim, “Ms. Kardashian,” create an obnoxious oxymoron if used in the same sentence.

Phaedra determines that Wiggy Kimmy must be broke, saying, “Who has an estate sale in the middle of a burger joint parking lot, haggling people unless she needs money.” Phaedra should know all about what people resort to when they don’t have money. Stealing is what landed her husband in jail.

Phaedra also wants to keep the birth of her child classy, saying, “I can not be screaming like a wolf and pooping on no tables.” Nene takes offense, saying that giving birth is beautiful. Uh, not really. It actually sounds really gross to me too.

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Mrs. Parks says her labor will be induced when she’s only 7 months along and that her hubby was born when he was 6 months along and he weighed a healthy 9 lbs. at birth. I need to give no comment here. Phaedra is a liar just like many of the people she defends probably are. Nene thinks that Apollo is not the father, and it’s not like it matters anyway, Apollo is with Phaedra because she’s a suga mama.

Phaedra didn’t enjoy that Kim Zolciak, mother of two children and licensed nurse, along with Nene, also a mother of two, had questions. “The ladies are grilling me about my due date but I’m like why do you care, but I understand no one has a job but me, so I realize they need to fill up their spare time.”

It looks like Sheree’s poser “Dr. Tiy-e Muhammad” is out. And Nene introduces Cynthia’s husband Peter to her son Bryce. This is suspect because Nene claimed that she and Cynthia have been friends for years. And Cynthia’s man had never met her son before? Yeah. We’ve uncovered this fakery like BAM!

Things get ugly fast when a drunk Nene gets in Gregg’s face and shouts at him. Nene confesses to Cynthia that Gregg spends all his time downstairs, they don’t sleep in the same room, and she thinks he may have cheated. Nene announces, “I’m going to divorce Gregg, now where the f*ck is my drink at?!” LOVE this woman, if only that were the last time we’d hear about Nene’s failing marriage. I’d also like to know where the f*ck my drink is at while I watch this show. Next episode I’ll be ready… And for anyone wondering, Kim made $10,350 at her garage sale because her dad “had no clue of how expensive” her designer stuff is worth.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Sex Talk, Nene’s Plastic Surgery and Crumbling Marriage

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Kim Zolociak shows up to Kandi’s webcast show. Kandi says that she is supposed to remain celibate for a year, on a bet, and therefore she “can talk about sex.” Kim is asked why she’s sleeping with Big Poppa, a married man, and she says that “his family lives in LA and he lives here. That’s not cheating.” I’m sure Wiggy Kimmy wouldn’t say that to her football player boyfriend Kroy Biermann when he travels out of state. He should throw that back in her face.

We then see the back of Nene Leakes’ head to hide the results of her nose job, breast lift and liposuction on her waist. When Nene looks at her reflection in the mirror she says that she loves it. She also wants to know if she can drink some wine during her recovery process and claims that she’s “gonna get a penis enlargement” next. LOVE her!

Nene whines to Cynthia Bailey about how she gave her husband Gregg her “20’s and 30’s.” We will be hearing about Nene’s marriage EVERY SINGLE EPISODE, so keep your finger above that “mute” button.

Real Housewives of Atlanta new cast members

We next get to controversy creator, Phaedra Parks. She puts on a tight tank top and jeans, goes and sits on some stairs and sucks on a pickle like it’s a penis while a photographer takes her picture – she wants pregnancy photos. When Phaedra’s not looking forward to “beat[ing] the hell out of” her child, she’s happy to celebrate being knocked up.

Sheree doesn’t think that Dr. Tiy-e has a house in Atlanta because she’s meeting him at his friend’s house. Good observation. Bravo gives us all these hints that Dr. Tiy-e is both broke and fraudulent. It’s like watching a murder mystery “Who done it?” episode except we wrote the friggin’ script and picked out all the cast members!

Tiy-e Muhammad is still cooking when Sheree arrives for their date and he asks her to help him with some grueling work, like cutting strawberries in half, to which Sheree says “I’m not used to manual labor.” Tiy-e also clearly forgets who he is dating. Sheree’s NFL ex-husband is HUGE and this scrawny dork is trying to convince her that he’s buff?!? Tiy-e stands up in the middle of dinner and takes his shirt off. Sheree says “His body was alright….”

Nene then goes bra shopping with Cynthia and Nene says, “I don’t like to wear a bra cause I paid money to have my titties stand up.” Nene is then seen dancing in the middle of the retail store, channeling her stripper moves and loving her new look in the mirror. Nene confesses, “I’ve never had a confidence problem. ‘I’m looking at my boobs thinkin’ Oh my gosh, they’re hooker boobs. Real high, nipples to the sky!’ I just spent money, I’m ready to walk around nude.” When is this b!tch’s talk show gonna get picked up? Please gawd.

 

Cynthia is having a Mother’s Day dinner and Kim cancels on her because her daughter has a fever. WHENEVER anyone invites Kim somewhere and she doesn’t want to go, she claims that one of her daughters is sick.

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Phaedra still wants to convince us that she’s better than us, so she says “Cynthia lives in a regentrification zone, which is basically when they make the hood into the suburbs. It’s not for me.” Than why show up, b!tch!

Phaedra says her due date is “July 26th or August 1st.” Translation: The baby will be born at “6 or 7 months,” which Phaedra says is fine “if everything is fully formed and his lungs are functioning.” Trombone music is being played as a soundtrack the entire time Phaedra shoves her foot down her throat. There should have been a laughing track playing as well cause she is dumb as sh!t, not to mention that she says this mess while sitting at a table surrounded by actual mothers.

And now it’s time to talk about sex. Kandi says “Put Poprocks in your mouth and then give oral.” Phaedra chimes in and starts laughing uncontrollably when she informs the women that one must “complete the whole act” when giving head. Kandi then lights up when she talks about the need to “wet your finger, stick it in sugar and put it in your vajayjay and it makes the vajayjay sticky.” Phaedra says powdered sugar works real well too and I am suddenly grossed out.

Nene put it best, saying, “I would never put Kool-aid, candied yams, peppermint candy, pancake syrup, none of those things in my vajayjay!” Word. Nene says, “I’m just a wide receiver. I just like [a man] to take over me. I don’t wanna work too hard.” I agree with Nene again. I like a man who can make a woman a rag doll, acrobat, and gymnast in bed. In the bedroom, I should feel weightless, like I’m f*cking in a spaceship in outer space at all times.

Cynthia’s boyfriend then gets Nene upset by pretty much saying that her marriage is falling apart cause she’s not sexing her husband right. Cynthia is mortified, Kandi’s mom consoles her, and the Nene show continues…

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Phaedra Parks’ Baby Shower is Ghetto Fabulous, Nene Gets Plastic Surgery

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This week we meet Nene Leakes‘ friend Diana, who accompanies her to a doctor’s appointment for plastic surgery. Nene says that she would like to reduce her breast implants by “two sizes,” get a nose job, and have some liposuction for her barely there “pouch.”

Nene explained: “As long as I’m writin’ the check, mind ya bizniss! I have a small pouch and I could work it out, but I don’t feel like it so I’d like you to get it out doctor. Get it out! Bam!” I really do love this b!tch and I want her to get her own talk show. Her testimonial interview segments this season are classic.

Real Housewives of Atlanta new cast members

Kim Zolciak’s parents swing by her house and they are adorable. Her dad says that when Kim sang a Christmas song when she was in 8th grade he “had tears” in his eyes “because it was so phenomenal.” Awwwwww! Parents can be so delusional.

Next we see Sheree Whitfield wearing a “Who gon check me boo?” T-shirt while working out at the gym. Sheree is talking to her trainer about the “Doctor” she’s dating, Mr. Tiy-E Muhammad, who gives some corny speech not worth mentioning and is actually a fraud.

Phaedra Parks is attempting to bond with supermodel Cynthia Bailey, but not even Cynthia likes Phaedra. There isn’t much to like about this idiotic woman who tries to convince us that she’s a Southern Belle.

Phaedra says, “Just because someone’s a model does not mean that they’re gorgeous. It just means that they skinny and tall and can wear a size 2 or zero.” Phaedra also wants the world to know that she came from money and she’s an “equestrian” who has been riding horses since she was seven years old.

Phaedra tells Cynthia that her wedding had 300 attendees and she had to cut the list down from the original 1,000 cause she couldn’t afford it. Phaedra also confesses that her parents are pastors and that she “did not want a man with a bunch of crazy kids everywhere. Lord send me somebody with no baggage, somebody clean. [Apollo] ain’t got no kids.”

 

Phaedra talks about men with kids in front of Cynthia’s husband Peter Thomas, who chimes in and says that he has five children and he loves them all. Phaedra didn’t give a sh!t about Peter, though, and she just repeated that she wanted somebody “clean.” Marrying a felon is better than marrying a man with kids? Um hmmm, because good fathers are so damn dirty!

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Phaedra says that Cynthia “needs to meet” her friends because they are “the creme de la creme of Atlanta.” Phaedra also informs Cynthia that she went to three universities and has “three, four degrees, just a few.” Phaedra works so hard at trying to make herself look superior to other people, but in order to do that someone has to care about you to begin with first!

Kandi Burruss is in the studio where she plays a song for Wiggy Kimmy that she wants “to give to Tiger Woods’ wife or Sandra Bullock and let them bang it in their cars cause this represents for them.” She also tells Kim that they could perform together on a tour. They don’t call her Kandi for nothing, Ms. Burruss is really sweet. She’s too kind. Kandi also adds that “Kim is the only singer I know who doesn’t want to sing.” Ha!

Nene then wakes up from her anesthesia, post surgery, and her husband Gregg is still not at the hospital. He was nowhere in sight. Nene’s friend Diana calls Kim and Sheree and puts them on speaker for Nene and I suddenly have a new reason for being a Nene fan. Nene is minimally conscious and has slurred speech, yet she manages to give some of the funniest commentary! She’s a natural.

Phaedra’s baby shower with “150 to 200 people” confused everyone, RHOA viewers and all. Kim said “I thought it was the f*cking nutcracker! Even if you’re having a girl, that sh!t doesn’t make sense.”

Phaedra had ballerinas twirling around the room at her shower and she had white roses all over her hair and jewels on her f*cking eyelids like she got her nails did on her face. Phaedra was introduced via microphone and speakers to the crowd and she walked out in front of everyone so she and her gay BFF Dwight could perform a choreographed dance.

Cynthia said, “Somebody stab me in the neck and put me out my misery.” We won’t let that happen, though, cause you gotta stick around for the nonsense and controversy Phaedra’s bringing to the show this season!

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Peter Thomas of ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ Has Uptown Restaurant and Lounge Shut Down

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Cynthia Bailey of the Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s husband Peter Thomas isn’t as wealthy as he’s made out to look on the show. In fact, the Uptown Restaurant and Lounge that he “owns” on RHOA had to be shut down!

Peter Thomas picture

The Uptown Restaurant and Lounge was closed due to unpaid expenses in excess of $25,000. Employees were also unaware of the shutdown, allegedly, and showed up to work ready to go only to discover that the venue went under.

Bravo has been choosing people to appear on “Housewives” shows that are connected to drama. Bravo’s stars get evicted, lose their homes, auction off everything but their dirty panties, and all because they’re only paid $3k an episode! Of course “Real Housewives” stars are going to be broke. Cynthia has a modeling career to fall back on. I doubt she or Peter needs Uptown Restaurant to be running in order to put some food on the table. Peter allegedly never owned it to begin with, but that’s for a separate post.

Cynthia Bailey imagePeter Thomas and Cynthia BaileyCynthia Bailey picture

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