Because it’s good to make friends with someone so that you can learn their business and then talk behind their back, Countess LuAnn and Kelly Bensimon are friends now.
The ladies go to a salon where LuAnn gets her nails done. Kelly says that she’s lonely and needs “some dating princess has to come and spread dust on me.” LuAnn tells her that she needs to trust people. Kelly also needs someone who will trust her, considering that she’s batsh!t crazy and all.
Alex McCord and Sonja Morgan meet up for lunch to have another unproductive discussion about how they’re going to pretend that they’re friends and “move forward.” Alex thinks she’s a pitbull now because she speaks up, but she cowers and tends to always say that issues she’s still uncomfortable with should suddenly be “dropped.”
We love Cindy Barshop, and so does Kelly. Kelly and Cindy meet up for the mandatory ‘Let’s-talk-about-our-co-stars-that-aren’t-present-because-we’re-contractually-obligated-to’ chit chat! Ramona Singer is brought up. Kelly doesn’t want to go to Ramona’s event, so she emails her (in front of Cindy) on her Blackberry, telling Ramona that she won’t make it.
Ramona is hitting the runway again and we almost cream our panties just thinking about it. Turns out that Ramona saw right through Kelly’s message. Ramona tells Sonja that she was hurt by Kelly’s email and she won’t support Kelly if she won’t support her.
And now it’s time for wine and strange men! LuAnn’s boyfriend throws a wine & speed dating event and every guy there is undateable, but some are f*ckable.
Kelly asks one of her dates to perform a scene from the movie Due Date. The scene requires Kelly’s stranger to tell her that he has cancer before asking her to marry him. He obliged and he sucked! More importantly, who tells an Oscar winner, let alone an aspiring actor, to perform a dramatic scene for them after they introduce themselves?!
Simon van Kempen throws his wife a birthday party. While walking to the party, Kelly tells Cindy that Ramona sent her a drunk text. Cindy says “I think people learn not to drunk text, uh, when you’re in college.” Cindy is 47 years old! She knows damn well that cell phones weren’t around when Ramona was in college and she may be unfamiliar with text etiquette; plus there’s nothing wrong with drunk texting! That’s how some of us get laid.
Simon’s birthday party is a picnic for her kids that Cindy loathes and Kelly also hates. Kelly said that “It was cold. It was cold. And it was REALLY cold” while Alex says “All of Simon’s plans fell into place perfectly, and this has been the best birthday yet.” We’re surprised Alex hasn’t filed for bankruptcy yet. She’s modeling because she obviously needs the cash, and her man couldn’t even afford a nice dinner? He took her a*s to the park and fed her a cookie on her special day.
And now it’s time for Ramona to bring her crazy eyes to the runway! She didn’t look possessed this time and she actually did a good job. Sigh.
Since Cindy is clearly on the show to promote her brand, she has Sonja, LuAnn and Kelly go to her Completely Bare spa to get their pubes waxed or lasered off. Cindy has mimosas and deserts in the lobby for the girls and Luann is getting squeamish talking about grown folk’s hair in public. Cindy says that they aren’t discussing porn and says that her vadge is “completely bare.” LuAnn asks if she needs a Valium first, then she returns and announces that she’s “completely bare now.” TMI!
Alex says that she’s modeling to make money, but we’re trying to figure out how much money can she actually make? She looks awful at her photoshoot and the photographer isn’t feeling her. “We don’t need that much drama in the eyes,” he says. “You don’t need to be that dramatic. You’re thinking more than you’re feeling,” he adds. We thought photographers were just supposed to take photos and tell you that you’re so hot? Alex wasn’t cut out for this, but she believes that she is. She is so proud of herself for scoring work that she shows up to Ramona’s event with the same huge hairstyle she was given for her modeling photos.
Jill, who is currently on vacation in Australia, sent Ramona a text encouraging her at the women’s event where she’ll be speaking. Ramona was happy about that. Later at the event, Ramona was called to the stage. Before her speech, she kept saying that she was so nervous, but we couldn’t tell! She did great! Ramona did say “I don’t do anything unless I’m really successful at it.” Snaps.