Tony Parker Speaks Out About Divorce

Tony Parker has broken his silence about his divorce from Eva LongoriaParker, but he didn’t go to the press to deny his affair with his teammate’s wife, or to try to win his wife back, or even to apologize. No, Tony issued a public statement to to tell the public to stay the f*ck out of his business! Before he “keeps matters private,” though, he wants to make them real public, by telling his side of the story.

First, he wants everyone to know he’s not stupid – he totally knew he got busted for cheating. “Eva and I have been discussing our situation privately,” Tony said. “I was aware that she would be filing for divorce in Los Angeles.” Oh, good. At least she didn’t catch him off guard. It would be terrible to find out unexpectedly that your marriage was over – like, say, if you caught your spouse sending horny dork texts to his co-worker’s wife. Tony went on to refute claims that he was the one who initiated the break-up. “I did not file for divorce in Texas and I did not hire divorce attorneys in either Texas or California,” he said. Oooooh, so he cheated on his wife, but wasn’t gonna divorce her. Well, that was nice of him. Obviously, he’s the real victim here.

Eva Longoria licks it

Of course, Tony concluded his statement by saying that he and Eva plan “to continue to keep our discussions of this matter private.” Um, little late there, dude.

Honestly, I don’t know why anyone is surprised that Tony cheated. He’s a professional athlete and he’s French! The fact that he was able to keep it in his pants for any time at all is a travesty against nature and stereotypes.

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