This week's episode brought us back to the tired Mean Girls theme that has put Bravo and the Real Housewives franchise on the map. Lisa Vanderpump's daughter got engaged to her boyfriend, but no one cares about that! Brandi Glanville accuses crackhead Kim Richards of being a crackhead. We'll focus on what led up to the Brandi vs. Kyle and Kim showdown. Hint: Because Kyle and her sister have the maturity level of preschoolers, they decide that they don't like newcomer Brandi and therefore should clown her whenever possible.
Taylor Armstrong goes over to Dana Wilkey's house where Dana announces that she doesn't cook. Dana is still hurt over Brandi's comments and she says "I'm still trying to get over the barbecue." She then says that Brandi mentions "The C-O-C-K word," which made her uncomfortable. I take it that Dana's a virgin who doesn't have any gay friends.
In the kitchen, Taylor asks Dana, "Do you think Betty Crocker had good biceps because this is so hard to stir?!" as she stirs chocolate chip cookie dough in a bowl. Call in the Mexican chef! Hard labor might cause Taylor to break a nail and then she'll have to "take you out back and pull some Oklahoma on your ass!"
Adrienne Maloof and Kyle Richards meet up for their scheduled 'What Do You Think of The Women Who Aren't Here Right Now?' scene in the script. Adrienne asks Kyle what she thinks of Brandi and Kyle pretends that she doesn't like her because "some of the things that she says is tacky." Right. Kyle doesn't like Brandi because she feels threatened by her. It's obvious.
Adrienne, who is friends with Brandi, tells Kyle that Brandi's a sweet girl. Kyle then mentions that Brandi's son peed on Dana's lawn as if that's another justifiably reason why she should exclude her from their clique.
It's now time for Adrienne, who just interviewed Kyle, to run back and inform Brandi of what Kyle said about her. Instead, diplomatic Adrienne just tells Brandi to have a thick skin… I'm loving Adrienne's hat, glasses and earrings so much that I'm not even hearing what she's saying. Just being real!
Brandi is playing the victim on the show and I really feel for her when she reveals that she's trying to make her own friends since her divorce with Eddie Cibrian. Brandi says she's afraid to invite "the girls" to something because they may not come. So sad!
Kyle shows up at Dana's mansion so that Dana can tell her that she's wearing Valentino shorts and Fendi heels. Brandi also arrives at Dana's for her game night party, and Kyle and Brandi are so awkward together, it's uncomfortable to watch, even from your friggin' couch!
Camille Grammer arrives and talks sh!t about the lack of food and furniture at Dana's pad. Bravo tells Adrienne that she can't attend the party so that Brandi can confront the other b!tches, so Adrienne tells Dana she can't make it. Now Brandi is all by her lonesome at the party.
Taylor is shocked by how much Dana is trying to get the women to like her. "I feel like Dana was trying too hard. It wasn't Dana," Taylor says. You're not alone Taylor!
Alcoholic Kim shows up and Kyle goes in the bathroom with her to apply Kim's makeup. Back in the kitchen, Dana tells Kim that she has her back because she needs "another good girl," and then Kim retreats to the bathroom again.
Brandi thinks that no one's bladder is that small. "I was a model in Europe in the '90s. I've had my fair share of people on drugs," Brandi says. "It was very obvious that something was going on. I know what I know," Brandi continues.
It's time for the frienemies to pretend to like each other by getting on teams to play charades. Kim says that she doesn't want Brandi on her team while sitting about four feet away from Brandi! Brandi should walk out of there, but she remains at the "party," just sitting in her seat while Kim and Kyle exclude her from their team.
Kim then takes her a*s back to the bathroom for some more coke or something and she hides Brandi's crutches.
When Kim returns, Brandi explodes, telling Kyle "You're a bitch. Let's do it!"
Drunk Dana says that Brandi is "mean" and that she's being rude. Kim shouts out "I don't like [Brandi]!" and Camille says that the entire argument was so high school.
Kim then tells Brandi that she's showing her "a*s like a whore" in her short shorts, and Brandi says "I am a slut." Swoon. I just fell in love with Brandi. The women are trying to hurt Brandi by calling her a slut, but she's like, 'I am one! Next!'
Brandi says that Kim "is wasted out of her mind" and Kim and Kyle stand up in unison in defense. Kyle tells Brandi she's pathetic, Kim slurs out that she's "disgusting!"
Can the season finale end with Kim getting sedated and hauled off to rehab? Next week Brandi continues to urge the Mean Girls to "bring it," and I'm hoping for a cat fight. Kyle desperately needs to get punched in the tits.