This week’s episode begins with Kyle Richards moving into her new “7,000 sq. feet” mansion that has seven bedrooms and a gym. It’s her “dream home” that she feels a connection to. Kyle also talks about how lucky she and Mauricio know they are because they have something special… That’s beautiful, romantic even, but I don’t get the ‘Awwww! That’s so sweet!’ feeling when Kyle talks about her marriage like I do with other couples. Instead, she makes me wanna vomit in her hair. Kyle is always holier than thou whenever she mentions Mauricio. Her declarations of love aren’t coming from a good place.
And now it’s time for The Bickersons. Adrienne Maloof-Nassif has “three pieces of luggage. Two of those bags are shoes,” she says while prepping to see Camille Grammer in Colorado FOR A FEW DAYS. I take everything I’ve bought within the last 5 years with me everytime I take a 1 to 2 day trip, so I totally understand. Adrienne tells her husband Paul what he must and must not do while she’s away. Naturally, they’re disagreeing on what he should do while she’s gone.
At the airport, Kyle is dressed like a pimp cowboy and Kim Richards has pre-gamed it for the plane ride. B!tch is acting drugged, not even drunk like she usually is. On the plane, while seated in first class, Kim begins punching a man’s a*s cheeks while he’s standing up simply because he “has buns of steel.” I need to learn how to flirt like this.
The ladies are now finally in Colorado, but the journey isn’t ovah! Their limo driver tells them that, due to a detour, it will take 4 hours to get to Camille’s property. The look of horror that ran across their high maintenance faces said it all, (photo above). If only they had booked a private jet to take ‘em from the airport to Camille’s. DAMN IT!
Kim is providing the ladies with a soundtrack for the lengthy drive, given that she can’t STFU about any topic that pops into her crackhead. Kyle asks “Ms. Vanderfabulous,” aka Lisa, if her husband was upset with her for saying he offended Taylor Armstrong at Adrienne’s dinner party, which results in Lisa telling Taylor to talk to Ken about her issues.
The women finally make it to Camille’s house, which she has to sell as part of her divorce agreement, and Kyle says that she’s happy to see Camille cause she was “trapped in a car with all these women!” Kyle repeatedly feels the need to explain why she and Camille are close now throughout the past two episodes. People can make up. We get it Kyle! Still, I’m happy that Camille is showing off more of her fun side and Kyle keeps reminding viewers that Camille is good people. Although repetitive, it’s refreshing.
“I do feel sorry for [Camille],” Lisa says. “She has to sell all these houses. She’s gonna be down to just a couple soon. I mean, it’s a dire situation here!” Although Lisa was clearly joking, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that some viewers thought she was serious. What was actually serious, though, was all the junk in the trunk that Lisa was workin’ wit. Who knew that uppity Lisa is actually a big booty ho! She looked like she had a butt for 2 in her slimming black jeans.
On the way to dinner, all of the ladies are sitting in an SUV limo and Camille continues to laugh away her pain. Kyle says “[Kayte Walsh] can wax Kelsey’s back now.” Camille adds: “I was doing the manscaping on the back!” Camille adds that she’d start “the hedge trimmer” and work it up Kelsey’s back! Gawd I love Camille.
Once the ladies are at dinner, Kyle encourages Kim and Camille to flirt. Camille says that she’s having trust issues with men, Kim says she can’t just have sex with anyone, and Camille announces that “My ex was a terrible kisser!” The ladies start laughing hysterically. I would feel bad for Kelsey Grammer, but last season he already said that he doesn’t watch the show. And Camille complains that Kelsey won’t speak to her? We wonder why.
Kim slurs something at the dinner table about family. We don’t care. And the next day Kim has a hangover, which her alcoholic self labels “a headache.”
Camille has a ski conceirge show up early in the morning to get the women fitted for their snow gear. Kyle says that she has “never seen these kind of people before, but I like it.” The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is always filled with surprises. I can’t wait until the professional leg smoother shows up to shave the ladies’ legs each morning; a separate vagina waxer will be on call for special occasions, like Sundays.
Now at the ski resort, Camille is skiing down the slopes like she was born on a pair of skis and Lisa is having so much fun, even after she falls down. The women are loving life even more once they’re served warm chocolate chip cookies by the staff at the resort after they finish skiing.
Back at Camille’s Colorado home, Taylor and Kyle spend some time in the jacuzzi. Taylor reveals that she got married at 34 and she was alone her “entire life” before that. Taylor is so damn skinny that her veins are popping outta her arms. Try some comfort food, woman. Get fat and get happy! Taylor is crying to Kyle about being scared to be alone. She says that she loves Russell. Kyle tells Taylor that she’s strong and she encourages her to leave him since she’s unhappy.
Taylor was bawling last week, she’s bawling this week, and she’s bawling next week. This week’s episode was filled with fun and positivity. Bravo should edit out Debbie Downer.
